lovey stuff... or not

So it's Valentines day...

You think I'm gonna write something all sweet and cuddly fluffy about how much I LOVE Mr. Kaos don't you?

Or maybe blather on about the mass of hand made cards we've pumped out of this house in the last week.

Well you'd be wrong then wouldn't you... I'm not gonna say lovey dovey pink puffy heart things.

(even though I am thinking those things at a couple of you... oh you sly devil ladies that I love... you know who you are)

Instead I am going to be thoroughly unpleasant but caring all at once...

I'm going to talk about people and their dogs.

Or a man and his dog...

Are you ready?

I have a neighbor with a dog. No big surprise there right? He doesn't live on my street but because my house is on the way to his kid's school he walks past it everyday.

He seems like a very nice man.

His dog, it is super friendly and very nice.

When it shits... in my yard... he picks it up. I truly appreciate that he picks it up. So much that I don't care that it shits in my yard...

That is not me complaining. I'm okay with all of the above...

What I'm not okay with is that every single day his dog goes running blocks ahead and he comes running down the street chasing it. Yelling for it. Calling it in vain.

He has a leash for it.

It is always in his hand.

He saves it for when they get to the really busy streets.

As I was saying he yells for the dog to come to him.

The dog laughs at him (okay... he doesn't... but if he could he totally would) and runs further still.

This happens every day.... well that, or the man wanders around the neighborhood looking for his dog worried that something has happened to him because when he let him out he ran off. And he's missing. Because he doesn't put him on the leash.

Unless he's at the really busy street.

There seems, to me, to be a simple solution.

KEEP YOUR DOG ON A LEASH WHEN YOU WALK IT, DUMB ASS!

Funny... I seem to be the only one around here that realizes that it isn't just a good suggestion... it's the law.

that's all...



...oh fine... Okay. I'll say it.

Happy Valentines day

but I'm not buying you any flowers.

vice presidentially yours?

umm...

hm.

Well I find myself in an odd position today, and not one of those fun positions I often find myself in with Mr. Kaos, though those can sometimes be a bit odd too.

After weeks of jokes and jabs on the matter my good friend The Vice President of our neighborhood association is announcing his candidacy for the Presidency (of our neighborhood association).

Hooray for him! What a great job he will do! Wait. No there was a thing in there, something my feeble little mind was trying to say but couldn't quite eek out...

Oh, andhe'sannouncingmeashisrunningmate.

ahem.

WHAT?

And he's announcing me as his running mate.

If I let him. Which I have not yet decided.

Obviously I have to make a decision and soon, because there is the whole announcing thing tonight.

In about 10 hours and 50 minutes.

The "announcement" will take place at a big huge meeting that's not just about the "election" so people may actually be there. THERE, when he says he wants crazy Cami Kaos as his running mate. I should say he really wants to announce me as Vice President Tattooed Mama.

Why would he do that? Screw his chances for political victory (political victory, hahaha, neighborhood association hahahaa). Did I mention I think he's running unopposed?

In the neighborhood that Mr. Kaos and I used to live the neighborhood association did little more than tell you to cut your lawn, say you can't paint your house that color and collect home owners dues. That certainly isn't what this association does. We don't even collect homeowners dues. There aren't any. It is an old neighborhood with plenty of things for the association to do. I think there is even more to it than planning the big neighborhood parties they throw every year.

Growl. I must decide, but first I have to get K to school, hard boil 18 eggs, set up a tea party for K and a friend, clean my house, pick up the girls, make dinner for my family and get my ass to the big ol' meeting. Oh, and wait for the e-mail I requested that will detail what my duties (hehee she said duty) will be if I choose to accept.

Do you think when I walk in the door is too late to decide?

***************1:45 pm****************
Oh the update, what an update: After an entirely too long day (and it is just barely the afternoon) I made a choice. It was the opt out choice, I will share with you part of my response to the VP, soon to be P, of the neighborhood:

I've totally decided. Between the stuff I am doing at K's school, my plan to join the PTA in September, volunteer at her new school, help with the ad sales at the community center, my personal blog, my metblogs posts, raising the child and Mr. Kaos, all the household stuff and my intention to write a book (oh no I am not joking, I am 3 chapters in) I think I am gonna have to refuse your nod.

Oh the tears.

Oh the agony.

Oh the humanity of it all.

won't you be my neighbor?

As we sat on our front porch this evening spying on... er... appreciating our neighborhood, we saw our new neighbors outside playing with their son and dogs.

MK: Hey, you done with your mimosa? Go meet the new neighbors.

CK: No

MK: Yeah. Go.

CK: No, you go. I have to drink this. Can't leave the porch.

MK: Send the girl.

CK: Sure, K, go meet the neighbors.

KK: Uh NO.

Sigh. okay, I gave in. I took a big swig of my mimosa (I know I know, why do I drink mimosas at 6 o'clock) handed it to Mr. Kaos and took K by the hand.

KK: I'm not going anywhere!

CK: K I am just going to go say hi to the new neighbors.

KK: Oh, okay but I am NOT talking to anyone.

CK: Okay. You can be a mime then, just make sure you have the invisible box move down.

what can i say... it's an update...

Today I would like to cover updates on 3 former posts :

turning 30... day 1 of 40...

what's he building in there...

mirror mirror...

before I get into that I want to give you a little insight. I don't like quirky things. Quirky people yes... quirky things no. Today's post was almost cancelled out by one I would have called:

don't you f&%$#ng die on me you stupid motherf&*%ing laptop...

When I woke this morning I went to do what I do every morning... open up my lovely new laptop and check my mail while K attempts to drag herself out of bed (much like mommy she isn't a morning person). To my surprise when I opened it up the screen just sat there. blank. Blank. BLANK. it stayed that way. I poked at a few keys to wake it up. clicked the mouse button. Tapped the mouse pad thingy... nothing. hmmm.. not normal. not the way to start my Friday morning...

After rebooting twice the screen finally came back to life... so that is warning 1 for my computer... don't mess with me. you all read it... you heard the warning... it can't say I didn't warn it...

Onto our updates because I know all of you out there in Internet land are just chomping at the bit to hear what I have to say about things I have already said...

turning 30... day 1 of 40... I will be judging the joy and success of my birthday mostly on the happy day itself... it has been a rough 30 something days... I have been sick for at least 2 weeks of it having just wrapped up an amazingly awful flu/cold tag team that rendered me completely helpless... forcing me to cancel a night out complete with a babysitter for K, cancel the appointment for my coveted 30th birthday tattoo (and with our super busy schedule it will likely be April before I can make another appointment). When I wasn't sick, K and/ or Mike had the icky sicky to make up for it. Joy of joys no? I've learned not to say what I am looking forward to doing as it tends to jinx me and I get stuck at home miserable or tending to those in misery... but I am looking forward to some potential birthday fun... and to people not asking anymore if I am freaked out about turning 30...

what's he building in there... This blog covered two important subjects... 1) what the hell is my recluse neighbor doing with all those workmen... the answer? I have no clue. K suggested after listening to the tune one too many times that Tom Waits should ask his neighbor and I should ask mine... oh sweet simple child... I respect her right to be a recluse... because people scare me. It also looked at the lovely leak in the middle of my street... I haven't seen any signs of the water bureau in weeks. The paint markings on the street indicating pipes and leaks are fading... the leak is not... it slowly grows more persistent and we have several mucky pools in front of our house at all times... I only hope they get the problem fixed before the weather gets nicer, the mosquitoes come out and I have to start yelling at some one out of fear that someone I know could contract West Nile virus...

mirror mirror... finally the mommy panic blog of Wednesday... things here are looking good folks. What has become of my little spawn? Has her head started revolving? no... does she stand in front of the mirror croaking "red rum red rum"? Well... yes but only because Mike asked her to. She is fine. I am fine. The world is pretty fine. Yesterday I had a chance to talk at length with her teacher. I told her what's been going on and my concerns and she stared blankly at me for a few moments... asked a couple of questions and told me the only remarkable part of the whole writing the letter backwards is that K is writing that much by herself with no prompting... Basically, lots of kids write backwards at this age... but K's ahead of the curve for writing so much so well... She has not noticed any signs at all that K has a problem. she thinks my little one is doing quite well, but like a good teacher, Mrs J says she'll keep her eyes on it just in case. The bottom line though? K's smart.

On that happy note I will bid all of you out there in Internet land fair well. We have a busy weekend ahead of us... K and I will no doubt find something interesting to do while Mike heads off to lay down some funky tracks with his new band mates... or however I would say that without sounding like a dork...

what's he building in there...

The place I live is not just a part of the city, it isn't a subdivision or just a street with some houses on it... It's a neighborhood, a community all its own. I love our neighborhood... so when something goes funny I get... weird. Well weirder then normal. I stress I get anxious and nervous and I want to know what is going on. I want it fixed...

I talk to, smile at, wave to and laugh with most of my neighbors, which is something that I didn't do in any of the other places I've lived. I went the crazy recluse route in our former neighborhoods because there didn't seem to be anyone worth talking to... In this neighborhood it didn't seem right to keep to myself. It's a friendly place where your neighbors keep an eye on your house if you are out of town, if some one sees something funny, they give you a call or come on over to tell you. If you have a back yard BBQ or oh say... a Tiki Party... you want to welcome all your neighbors as well because you share a link that is the amazing community you live in.

So I have met or know most of my neighbors... Except one. She seems to really like to keep to herself. She isn't a bad neighbor... she just doesn't seem to want to talk to anyone... I've said hi, smiled and even waved but she just doesn't seem to reciprocate the neighborly feeling. That's okay though, I get it, I don't like people much either so I don't hold it against her.

But now something is happening and I am curious. Curiouser and Curiouser still. Last week suddenly a fleet trucks and trailers started arriving in front of her house (I know, I am so the creepy neighbor lady who watches out her window, but I have a really big window so I can't help myself). Plumbers, rubbish removal, a contractor maybe, carpenters... lots of different trucks. I noted it and then went about my daily business...

Then Friday morning as he was leaving for work Mike noted a leak in the street as though a pipe had burst and was seeping up through the asphalt... NOOOOOOOO! He asked me to call the water bureau which I did. I spent a million years on hold before some one finally answered, then transferred me to another department where I spent only about a year on hold so it was okay... I gave them all the info and the nice young man on the phone said "thanks so much, we'll send someone out later today to take a look".

True to his word they did. A guy parked his truck in front of the house for less than 5 minutes... I don't even think he ever got out... then away he went and I never heard a word.

Meanwhile the house across the street continued to have workers workers workers getting stuff done and I began to wonder if some plumbing debacle had caused the pipe to burst... but then I started to think about it some more and in this neighborhood when you have that much work done all at once it usually means you are getting ready to sell your house.... so now I wonder...

Yesterday a big City of Portland truck pulled up in front of the house. A guy with a fabulous mustache got out with some spray paint, a unicycle looking wheelie thing and a long pole with a hook on it... He looked, poled, sprayed, wheeled and sprayed some more... looked at it for a moment... sprayed again and got back in his big City of Portland truck and went on his merry way...

Today there are many more workers across the street and I am left to wonder...

What's he building in there?

and yes... that is a line from a Tom Waits song...