what to do with paddington bear...

I must start by warning you that at some point in this post I will admit to being a complete hormonal wreck with mascara running down my face... Now that we've got that out of the way...

K's class has a bear. Paddington Bear to be more precise. It's the same general idea as the class having a hamster or snake (well my class had a pet snake... didn't yours?).

At the end of each day one of the kids get to take Paddington home with them where they play with him, read a book about him, torture him by singing songs to him until his stuffing falls out and then record something important on a piece of paper in the homework binder that comes with him.

This time the assignment, the task K was to complete, was to tell what her favorite thing she did with Paddington this year. Wouldn't you know it, we never got Paddington on a weekend and we never had him on a day where we did anything remotely cool or fun... And she refuses to count the time that we went to the zoo with her friend S from class while she had Paddington. Why? Because that's what S wrote about.

Duh.

So while she and I walked home with Paddington in tow I decided that I would do something special tonight. I would find something fun so that she would have something special to say she did with Paddington Bear.

I called Mr. Kaos and told him of our predicament and I called in a favor. I asked him if we could please take K and Paddington out to dinner somewhere fun... he was tired... and cranky (as you would expect someone who works long hard hours and was just confronted with a wife "needing" to take a stuffed bear out to dinner) but he agreed. He asked that we please find somewhere to walk to instead of drive though, he was done with the car for the night.

So I thought.

and I thought.

and then I began to want. and want.

Want what? Chips, guacamole, cheese enchiladas and a giant margarita.

There's a little Mexican restaurant by our house and so I began to hope that we might go there so I could have those chips, guacamole, cheese enchiladas and a giant margarita. K likes it there. Mr. Kaos likes it there (sometimes) and K ALWAYS wants to go OUT to eat.

I felt secure that my plan was a brilliant one. I took a shower, got dressed, put on make up, got K ready to go and when Mr. Kaos got home...

We sat to discuss what we would do with our evening. We learned that I was apparently the only one who wanted to go out to dinner. K was horribly opposed to going out of the house to go anywhere at all.

Take out was discussed.

I still had hope. The little Mexican restaurant? They totally do take out... and I have all the things to make margaritas at home. This could still work. Only it wasn't working.

It wasn't working AT.ALL.

K was talking about having a tiki party in the basement, or watching a movie. Or having a Tiki Party while she watched a movie. She wanted appetizers and tiki juice and a Muppet movie.

Or pizza. She wasn't sure.

So I excused myself to my room.

Why? Because I was getting really unreasonably upset about the fact that no one wanted to go to dinner but me. Because I was getting irrationally unhappy that I had gotten dressed and put on make up. I was getting bizarrely emotionally injured by the fact that I tried to do something nice for K and that little Paddington Bear but no one wanted my niceness. No one cared. They wanted to do their own nice thing.

And I wanted them to be able to do something nice which is why I left the room I told them that they should decide what we were going to do and then let me know when they were done.

So in my room I curled up on my bed taking deep breaths and waiting for the verdict. Waiting to find out what exactly I was to spend my evening doing...

K came in to tell me that we were having movie night and Chinese take-out.

I laughed.

I actually laughed and asked "Does daddy know that? Because the place we get our Chinese take out is all the way back in Hillsboro on daddy's way home from work"

"Oh" she said and wandered back out.

Mr. Kaos came in a few moments later to tell me what their plans were (to make appetizers and watch a movie at home and to never ever ever leave the house again... at least for the night).

I got noticeably upset. I laid my head upon my pillow and sighed and told him that they should go get started since bed time was in two hours. He knew I was upset and was for some reason obsessed with telling me there was stuff that I could make a burrito with...

I did not care.

This is the point when I started to cry. This is the part where my girly girl hormones took over entirely and forced me to my knees streaking my face with mascara heavy tears (I have a hot tip on some waterproof mascara that may stand up to this condition a little better). This is the part where I tell you that I cried, CRIED, because I could not have what I wanted when I was trying to do something nice for my daughter and her class bear.

Yes that's right. I wanted to do something nice and I was devastated that they didn't enjoy my niceness... that they instead created niceness that they invited me to enjoy.

Fucking hormones.

puppy love...

I would like to say first and foremost to Mr. Kaos if he is reading this: I know we aren't going to get one. Honey don't worry, you won't come home to find one. I DO know how crazy and busy things are and that another living being is the very last thing that we need right now... However honey, I can not promise that my love and need for something to take care of won't drive me to talking to myself (more than normal) or dismantling bathroom parts (which I may or may not have already dismantled because I am being driven crazy by them).

Moving on shall we?

I think it was about this time last year that I got it in my head that I desperately needed a puppy. Lets just say that my darling and very practical husband did not share this same vision.

(don't tell him I said this, but about this stuff, he is often smarter than I am)

So today I did something stupid.

STUPID.

I went up to the website for the Oregon Humane Society and looked at puppies.

Stupid I know.

I would show you the picture of the puppy I found and fell in love with but then I would be forced to look into his big soft pouty puppy eyes... I can't do that. I need to get a parental control program and block any sites that may have pictures of puppies...

that's right. NO PUPPY PICTURES.

But then, then I did something smart... I went back and read the post I wrote last year when I came to terms with the fact that we were not yet ready for a puppy and saw that things in my household are not any different now... so the puppy having...

it will be shelved once again.

but I swear I'm gonna go rip out a sink or something.

but i need it...

This is my sad comment and reply to my own blog of last week "i want i want i want..."

Do I still want that fuzzy cute sweet wet nosed bundle of puppy joy? Yes, yes I do. Have I gotten over my hormone fed desperate need for a new living being to take care of? Pretty much.

Now let me clarify. I do still want a puppy (and the dog that it grows into) I am not that fickle and wanton... but do I want it knowing that at the time it could quite possibly drive my poor dear husband over the cliff of sanity? No, no I am not that crazed.

I am quite certain that a week ago today if you asked me to choose between my husband's peace and harmony and the bright eyed perky eared little pup I had been dreaming of I would have said "Mike's being a baby..." and I would have gone out to get a leash, collar, puppy bed, food bowls and a big ol bag of appropriate puppy feed... Yes. That is me... and it is my family's burden to live with...

Somewhere around Thursday night while I was drifting off to sleep I realized that my puppy need was being accelerated by rampant womanly hormones, the fact that my daughter is turning 5 and becoming very independent and the harsh knowledge that I am not having a another child (which is not new info for me, I have known for quite a while now. At least since my doctor, and then 2 more told me that me+another pregnancy is not the best idea in the world)... Am I reaching into the void of too much information? Quite probably but that's what you get for reading a blog written by someone who calls herself camikaos...

So as I sit in a brief cycle of calm in the swirling world of me and my emotions I am able to briefly reflect on the reality of things. I am a busy stay at home mom with an old house that takes lots of care, lots of technology clutter, books everywhere, music equipment, art supplies and cooking stuff, not to mention toys and 2 cats everywhere I look. We are in a constant battle to hold back the clutter and keep things "neat"... and we have not won the battle, no sir we have not. We haven't lost the battle... we're holding back the troops of messy but not by much... a few lazy days and the tide could turn.

In addition to the everyday little things I have entire rooms to organize, innumerable toys that K no longer uses that should be given to friends with kids or to someone who needs or wants that clutter in their house... we have remodeling still on the horizon and last but not least I value my down time... what little I have.

With that said, if Mike called and said "Hey I just got off the phone with the breeder, when do you want to go pick up the puppy?" my answer would be "right now"

and thus the cycle of cami continues...

i want i want i want...

I want something. I want something so bad it has completely preoccupied my thoughts for a week now... I've wanted this something for years... but the time was never right.

Some would argue that the time is not necessarily right at the moment either but I must have this little something... Okay, it won't always be so little.

A few of you may know what this something is. Am I crazy? No! I always had one growing up... often two.

Since I moved out on my own though this elusive "thing" has been out of the question. Why? You shouldn't keep it in an apartment. Our first house was too small. It's a lot of responsibility. The timing hasn't been right. K was too young.

Now things are different and I for one know the time is right. So how do I convince my dear sweet man, my life partner, the man, that he wants to bring this bundle of something fuzzy and cute that will eventually weigh about 75 pounds into our home and accept it as part of the family?

This isn't a big shocker to him. He knows I want it. I asked for it. I showed him pictures. (I never should have looked at pictures it sealed my fate). The question is how do I convince him this is right? I am open to suggestions but really I think he will have to decide on his own...