Monday, April 23, 2007

toilet humor...

Our house is older, and the man who "fixed" up some of the details here before they put it on the market sucked ass. Okay, really I don't know if he literally sucked ass or if he just sucked ass in the worst figurative sense of the term but let me tell you that instead of leaving the peeling paint on the outside of our 80 year old home or having it properly taken care of he opted for slapping two coats of neon white interior house paint on the peeling exterior of our home, that is one of the more helpful things he did.

Among the many crappy things he did to our house is replacing the main floor toilet. Did he put in a nice toilet? Hahahahaha. No. he put in what seems to be a factory 2nd that didn't flush properly and not a single toilet seat in the world fit on.


So to our toilet and the man who installed it let us express our sentiments:

As you may have guessed after 3 years of living with the ridiculous toilet that needs to be jiggled and coaxed along in order to do the one thing it is supposed to do, FLUSH, we have decided it is time for a change, so I got right in there:

How did we know how to do all this? We read the fucking manual. Does that mean we know what we are doing? Hell no, but we can rip shit out.

I think this is around the time Mr. Kaos suggested I have a contest: I'll buy a drink at Springwaters for the person who correctly predicts when we'll have a working toilet in there again. Don't live in Portland? I'll buy you a drink if you're ever in town.

We had consumed a margarita each at this point (good margaritas from scratch with the good tequila, there is no other way to do bathroom work). We were still going strong. Luckily our friend brought over her daughter to play with K and the girls were playing zoo in the other room. Perfect timing.

We knew that was going to be nasty, but come on, look at that. I mean really seriously yuck.

Ah, scenic SE Portland.

The girls were really convinced they could turn this into a lesson of some kind. How bout don't stick your faces in a rusted out toilet for a lesson?

Of course the day wouldn't be complete without a visit from Vice President Reid (vote for Reid for Association President, he'll do anything for a laugh).

"Is that where the poo goes?"


Velma said...

Man, you guys really know how to partay! Good luck with the new toilet, whenever it is open for business.

(Did you get your magazine rack and toilet paper holder at Target? I think I have the exact same ones in my bathroom.)

M said...

Reed should use that photo in any future campaign literature.

mielikki said...

OMG. Words cannot even express my horror for you. The pictures are great, though. Too bad you can't turn the old rusted out one into a planter, and present it to your new soon to be president!

sybil law said...

Oh, potty humor! Niiiiice. :)

Oh, The Joys said...

The "express our sentiments" photo is CLASSIC!

CamiKaos said...

m: I think he plans to

miel: his wife would KILL me

otj: I may frame it and hang it in the bathroom once the remodel is done :)

xoxo camikaos

marc said...

i think id opt for the bowl as a planter over the tank, it would be more obvious in the garden

dream said...

4 days for a working toilet . . .unless there are more margiritas then i say 2 weeks ;p

Robyn said...

Ahh, the crappy cosmetic cover up. We've dealt with that too. You would think that it would be so much easier to um, I don't know CLEAN the mildew around the tub instead of using CLEAR caulk to cover it up! Tip #1-don't use an inspector who is married to the agent.

Bubblewench said...

Love the Reid pic! VOTE TODAY!!

I would say that if you started this on Sunday (posted Monday), you will probably have a working toilet by Today, Wednesday. If you started on Monday then I'd say Saturday.

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