snark and circumstance

Even though I haven't been busy HERE in the blogosphere...

I've been really busy this week...

I'm not going to bore you with the details aside from telling you that my doctor really must want me to stop coughing judging by the prescription he just wrote me...

Thank you doctor. I have never taken this medicine you give me but I have been assured by 1 out of 1 husbands and 1 out of 2 blog wives (the other is sleeping) that it will make me loopy and knock me flat on my ass for several hours!

WOO HOO!!!

What a way to spend a couple of days... flat on my ass and crazy!

Speaking of crazy behavior... and we are... I wanted to tell you all that you should certainly do something on Sunday.

No... not that. No. Not that either. Would you please stop just calling out things....

What you should do this Sunday at 4pm (my time babies) is listen to me on Pointless Drivel Live with the fantastic (if a bit delusional) host Mr. Fabulous... okay maybe fantastic is the wrong word... maybe I should just use fabulous... It's repetitive but... you know it's kind of built in... so lets try that again...

with the fabulous (if a bit delusional) host Mr. Fabulous.

Yes, Mr. Fab really is fabulous. And often kind of witty and smart... but if you look at the description of the show you may get something else... let's take a look and then break it down shall we?

"Tonight's Co-Host: Cami Kaos, from Mommified Me. She's a clever monkey with cool tattoos and a Pez collection. She's completely obsessed with me and during the day fills notebook after notebook with nothing but Mrs. Cami Fabulous. It's a little sad, actually."


Some of this? Very true. And how sweet of him to remember my cool tattoos and my Pez collection... but some of it... well let's just say that a notebook with Mrs. Cami Fabulous written repeatedly in its pages does exist... On the cover it says "Property of Mr. Fabulous HANDS OFF" and the handwriting inside it is... well frankly it's kind of fabulous...

My handwriting? It's not fabulous it's kind of messy... and pinched... I don't hand write anything.

His incredibly sweet (but sad) adoration of me aside, it should be a really good show. We should have lot's to talk about...

...especially if Mr. Kaos has his way and I take my cough syrup before I call in.

If it starts to get a little boring though or if you have some burning questions or maybe, just maybe, you think you love me MORE than he does and want to call in and say so... please do.

The number to call in is 646 652 4911.

Call me.

Call me on the line
Call me call me any anytime
Call me oh my love
When you're ready we can share the wine
Call me

Well... you can't call me anytime, just during the show. And I probably won't be drinking wine... but we can share the martinis or the tiki drinks??? The booze though... that's another post. One coming soon.

listen up

So today I need (yes need) you to head on over to Pointless Drivel live and LISTEN TO ME.

I will be talking (Yes TALKING) to Mr. Fab on the radio(ish.. because it's still the internet).

So what are you doing at 7pm eastern (4pm west coast baby)???

You're listening right? Or maybe calling in if you are so inclined. There's a number on the site, ring it up... unless you're feeling shy. Or you have nothing meaning full to say.

Or you're my dad, cause he doesn't like Mr. Fab very much... and he quite possibly might not want to hear some of the answers to some of the questions...

Or my mom... she may not want to hear it either... I'll let them know later.

But you, that makes YOU want to listen even more doesn't it?

After all, Mr. Fab seems to know about my Pez dispensers... what else does he know about?

Come find out...

Okay?

(No really, I mean it you'd better fricken listen...)

4 four frick

This post is really called: Sybil doesn't love me because she sends me junk mail.

Four jobs I have had in my life:

1. Telemarketer

2. Receptionist

3. Secretary

4. Interior Design Librarian

Four movies I've watched more than once:

1. The Usual Suspects (I watched it almost everyday when I was pregnant on bed rest... this is only one of the reasons my child will be messed up).

2. Princess Bride (You killed my father... prepare to die)

3. Army of Darkness (This is my boomstick)

4. Millers Crossing (I owe this one to Mr. Kaos, I had never seen it and it was the very first gift I ever gave him. In trying to procure it I had to run ALL OVER TOWN and get hit on in 3 separate video stores).

Four places I have lived:

1. Fresno, Ca

2. Swampy Armpit, TX

3. Beef Town, CA

4. Portland, OR

Four TV. Shows that I watch:

1. Doctor Who

2. Heroes

3. Psych

4. It's a secret and I am not telling

Four places I have been:

1. Hell

2. Back

3. the grocery store

4. a bar

People who e-mail me (regularly):

1. Sybil (all the time everyday without fail... it would be creepy if I didn't bask in the glow of her mail.

2. Mr. Kaos

3. Your mother (okay, mine)

4. Sybil

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Alaska Rolls

2. Filet Mignon

3. Cherry Coke (it does too count)

4. Shrimp, mushrooms, zucchini and onions over white rice with a ginger dipping sauce

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. The Beach

2. My Bed

3. Di$neyland (I can't help it I neeeeed to go back)

4. Hawaii

Four friends I think will respond:
1. You better

2. You better

3. No really, you better

4. And you back there. Get on it.

Things I am looking forward to this year:

1. Halloween

2. My parent's annual holiday visit

3. Tomorrow when I get to have another Cherry Coke

4. The year is almost over what do you want from me?

Four things I should stop doing:

1. Longing for Cherry coke

2. Not saying no.

3. Filling out surveys

4. Facebook

*************

Tomorrow afternoon (night) you me, internet radio? How bout it? It's a date? You know you want to...

Pointless Drivel Live Special Saturday show co hosted by ME. Tune in, 7pm eastern.

Really, you should listen, or at least click that link to see what it says about me....

pimp pimpity...

In my day I have been known to pimp a thing or two... I've sent you all on some wild rides to bloggy places, yeah? Sometimes I'm very disappointed in the behavior of people.... no, not you guys, you guys totally rock....

But you know when someone you know is really cool and smart and they get a blog and you send all your friends over to read it and then they don't post anything (you know who you (s) are...).

This is not one of those times. There is this guy that I don't know but he is cracking me up. Funny funny guy. With kids and dog shit and bugs and cable companies.

He's got the funny goods, but I go over there and notice that I seem to be the only one there... It's like being in the back yard alone on a dark and beautiful night and you are watching nature and a squirrel falls out of a tree onto a raccoon and the raccoon is terrified and starts dancing around on one foot and screeching so all the birds fly out of the tree they were nesting in and it obscures the sky and a low flying plane is steered off course and there is no one there to see it but you...

Yeah, you thought it was all really funny but you wish you had someone to share it with besides that stupid raccoon...

I want all of you to be my someone else at his page...

When you have the time head on over and take a peek at Not World Famous...


***

And when you are done with that don't forget that I'll be guest co-hosting Pointess Drivel Live Sunday at 3:30 (west coast babies). It will be a short show, only 30 minutes, but sometimes good things come in small packages... unless we're talking about penis size... we all know that size matters there.

***

One last note, if you look to the right you may notice that my "postcard people" links have changed. Mielikki and I sent out a fresh batch of postcards when she visited and I thought we should move on from the Disney postcards to those. If you got one and would like to post it and have it linked let me know and I will give your postcard the link love action...

my week

Have you had those weeks that should have been just perfect? Something great is happening and you're really looking forward to it and you know, just know with every fiber of your being that it's going to be awesome?

This was supposed to be one of those weeks.


On Monday morning my daughter had her first day of kindergarten. I'll be honest here and say that our expectation that she would LOVE it may have been a little over the top, but she so loved preschool. She did. She loved it so much that if I were to keep her home sick she would cry because she wanted to go to school... do the math, the kid loves school... WOO HOO Academic life will be EASY.

Turns out she loved preschool and her preschool teacher. She is not exactly fond of her new teacher... She doesn't like kindergarten because she has to follow more rules (totally my kid) and they don't get enough time to play. It's so damn tough to be a kid.

I won't go into details of what has happened but I will tell you that she would prefer to remain firmly by my side until she is 35 years old.

On Tuesday we had a particularly rough pick up from school that involved a lot of tears, a mausoleum, ducks, over aggressive geese, cake and a jury summons.

You can see that not all of those tears may have been hers.

I got a jury summons. A summons to be on a jury, potentially. So only 2 days into this very tough week where I am cutting down to one cherry coke a day and trying to keep my head attached to my neck they send me a jury summons for only two weeks away.

I can't get out of it. It's possible I could defer it but I would kind of rather get it over with... So there is that, for some reason the US government wants me (YES ME) to help them with justicey things.

Now you may not know this about me but I actually rather like justice. I think it is a good thing. But I'm whiny and I've had a long week and I want to whine... I have to leave my comfy cozy little neighborhood and be all dressed and fed and ready to sit in a room for hours by 8:30. Have I not made it clear that I am a pampered little bitch? I am, well, in the ways I want to be. I don't mind doing my civic duty but could we switch it to 10:00 am?

But I thought that has to be it. That has to be the capper to my week... We can only go up from here and I have stuff to look forward to right? Hell yes.

On Saturday I have an appointment to get my hair done and all that goes with it (Oh the agony of the eyebrow wax, oh the sexy shapely brows is produces). I can go into the salon for 2 hours or so and let the wonderful Francis wash my hair, rub my scalp, dye me, cut my hair and then everyone will tell me how great my hair looks because everyone in that salon knows when you just shelled out a bunch of cash to get your hair cut you want to hear how fucking great it looks... And they do it bless em.

But what was that? What did I see on the bulletin at K's school. Saturday September 15th Back to School Hair Product sale at my salon. 50% off. My first thought, product is SPENDY and I am almost out, that is awesome. My next thought... and it took me a few minutes to get there, product is SPENDY people like to save money and the salon will be flooded with people talking and buying product... sigh. There goes my Saturday happy ending...

But still, I have Sunday to look forward to. Did you all see what I am doing on Sunday? THAT IS SO COOL. It is going to be so much... wait what?

Growl. Growl with the evil eyes... Mr. Fab got late word that the show has to be scooted, moved, bumped and rescheduled.... So now I will be on at 3:30 (west coast baby). What, it's only a half hour earlier? Yes yes I know. It is only 30 minutes earlier but it is also only going to be a 30 minute show.

WEEP. SIGH. SOB.

So is it BTR that hates me or Mr. Fab?

You be the judge...

Oh, and I'm not so dismayed that you all shouldn't listen intently okay? So yeah go here at 3:30 on Sunday the 16th and listen and give me love and what not. Yes? Good?

Good.

(oh and if you are asking if that whole long lead up into the radio time change was necessary, no it wasn't fucking necessary, but I wanted to complain so there)

(but I still love you, come listen to me k?)

sunday?

What do you like to do on Sundays?

Me personally, I like to hang out at the house, snuggle with my man, play with my kid, grill something delicious, or if it's winter, make soup.

I relax knowing it is the last day to resist the workaday world.

I've heard some folks attend church on Sunday. That's good. Gives them something to do.

Brunch, that's another common Sunday thing. Actually I rather like brunch, if I'm eating brunch it probably means I slept too late to eat breakfast and it's nearly lunch time so I meet my meal in the middle. You can eat almost anything you want to for brunch. It's kind of a magical time.

But Sunday, this Sunday what are you doing? Oh say around 4pm (my time baby, west coast). Are you busy? No? Really? Wanna hang out with me?

Oh wait, no I'm busy Sunday at 4pm.... But you could join me, or well, you could at least listen intently and hang on my every word, even though many of those words are ridiculous and not necessarily worth hearing... but some of them will be good. What's a good word? If anyone can give me a really GREAT word I will use it...

Use it for what!!?

Haven't you been paying attention??? I am this Sunday's co-host on Pointless Drivel Live!

If you go there now it will play last Sunday's show. Or you can download some of the past episodes there and laugh and laugh. If you like hysterectomies or college football you may find the September 2 episode particularly entertaining. If you are my husband you may find last week's episode fascinating. Not because I called in to say "hey" but because you are in your 40s and you think the music that Mr. Fab played was just sooo great.

Wait, did you just ask who Mr. Fab is? Really? Where are you living under a rock? Mr. Fabulous is the host of Pointless Drivel Live, you need to get with the program... really, you do.

Get with the program: Tune in on Sunday to hear me knowing nothing at all about college football and embroidery.

Plus you can not see me looking like this because I have it on good authority that that is how I will look...



Also? I will probably totally humiliate myself that's why.

Plus there is the word thing. Seriously I want some good words. Send me your very best word then tune in to see which word gets sullied by the voice of CamiKaos...