Monday, February 18, 2008

the contest, delicately

I'm searching for a way to put this delicately... to find the nicest possible way to tell you what you all need to try to do...

and frankly... there is no way to put it nicely so here goes.

Men and women all over name their parts, their junk, their stuff.

Mr. Kaos and I are not junk namers...

So he's gone through life without calling his dick by an given name. Nothing cutesy. Nothing specific...

I'm not a genitalia namer. not a parts namer. It's not in me. I've never named a man's... nuts and bolt... bits... what have you.

It's not my thing.

I've never named any of my parts either.

Mr. Kaos though... about a month ago... he inadvertently named my breasts.

sigh.

I'd made it 30 years of my life without that occurring but here I am with tits with names.

And Mr. Kaos?

His junk is still nameless... and that is where you, good, charming, faithful readers come in.

Name it won't you? Name the man parts of Mr. Kaos. You can name one piece or name them all... I'm waiting.

Oh, I forgot to tell you all the prize didn't I?

On Saturday we went on a little shopping trip to Home Ec, my go to shop for Tiki Mugs here in Portland, to buy a prize for Jo, a gift for Holls and then looked and looked for something suitable for the winner of this contest...

A Tiki Mug suitable to award to such a person as would undertake the naming of my man's junk...

We realized though that the contest winner would be able to choose their own mug much more accurately than we could.... so to the winner of the name my husband's junk contest goes a tiki mug of their choice from the Tiki Farm...

You know you want it.

***

The deadline for entries into the name my man's junk contest is Monday February 24th. All entries will be considered and laughed at uproariously. The winner will most likely be chosen by me... I may let Mr. Kaos help since it is technically his dick we're talking about. In the event that it's a close call we'll put it up to all of you for a vote...

You can enter in the comments for this post or email me at mommifiedme at gmail dot come with the subject line "name the junk contest"

For my overseas entrants: Shipping out of the continental United States from Tiki Farm is sometimes an issue, so if one of you wins I will likely purchase your mug from Home Ec. and ship it myself so you may have less in the way of options... but I do promise it will be super fab.

xoxo - CamiKaos

31 comments:

holly said...

OH.
MY.
GOD.
lMAO!
this is what i have to do to win a tiki mug?
seriously, i start my new job in less than two hours, and now i'm going to be thinking about names for mr. kaos' junk?!?!?!
GOD i hope i don't have to answer any questions today.

okay. you got it.

FIRSTLY, you didn't give us any helpful details *about* the junk. does it perform well and is it reliably - um, up to the job? does it have a personality? i suppose you won't even give us pictures.

SECONDLY, what the hell did he name your breasts?

oh, and i haven't even named my husband's!

wifey!!!!

stephanie said...

Since we're kind of like neighbors, my man is cool with sharing his pet name with your man: Mr. Happy. It has such a distinguished ring, using the "Mister," yet it's whimsical - just like the appendage, no?

Or, suggestion #2 if sharing a name seems too weird, you could go old school with "Ralph" from Judy Blume's Forever.

Again, I'm a tad scandalized yet intrigued with your discussion topic. Good times.

Dan said...

I'm going to go for...

MEGATRON

because if you are going to have a dick named after a transformer, you might as well go with a flattering one.

Of course you always have the option of not naming your dick after a transformer, but quite frankly i don't see the point.

Bubblewench said...

Too freakin hysterical. I doubt I will come up with a decent name, I'm lame that way, I'll try, but in the meantime can I still have the tiki mugs? You know the ones I mean.. from 2006.

DaddyKaos said...

You are absolutely right, I'm not going anywhere near this one....especially judging the entries.

Groovy Mom said...

Awesome prize! But even so, I can't. No, I can't. Every fiber of my being is warning me that I must not name another woman's man's junk, ya know? LOL!

mielikki said...

um, I am going to refrain from this contest, because Mr. Kaos is family. I'd never be able to look him in the eye after naming his junk.

Doug said...

My comment didn't seem to post.

Mr. Winkie

Travis Erwin said...

Russell - The one-eyed love muscle.

or


The Spunky Spelunkerer

Lilacspecs said...

The first thing that came to mind was what CB calls the fat that is my tummy: Flappy. But your hubby's wenis canNOT have the same name as my flab, so then I thought that Roland had a good sound to it.
He was a gunslinger, y'know, draw from the hip, bang away, shoot your wad.
Or for those chilly days there is always Childe Roland from the poem...I could go on but I think I spent enough time thinking about Mr. Kaos's naughty bits.
But yeah, I say Roland.

CB says Mr. Jingles

angel said...

mwaaaaaahahahahahahaaaaaaaa...
definitely one of the funniest posts i've seen in a while!
how bout...

"the pickle"?

Mr. Fabulous said...

Bob the Builder.

The Little Penis that Could.

Curious George.

missburrows said...

How about...

NOT JUNK

But it is, but it's not...but it really isn't. Hmmm...

Perhaps, on Wednesday I will become inspired.

CamiKaos said...

missb: I'll let see my iPhone but I have to draw the line somewhere ;)

Mr. Fab: interesting

Angel: No food items in my man's pants ;)

Lilac: Roland is so dignified... Mr. Jingles is not... tells me a lot about you and CB. hehee

Travis: fascinating.

Doug: I hate it when that happens, thanks for commenting again.

Mie: I think that's best for all of us...

groovymom: oddly, I really do understand

dad: I warned you.

bw: you fall into the Mie and Dad category.... best to recuse yourself... answer my email about the other things.

dan: i like your style.

stephanie: I always seem to be scandalizing you... that's so cute.

Holly: LMFAO. ROFL. Last night right before I went to sleep Mr. Kaos say your comment and told me I needed to read it... so the last thing I did before I fell asleep... was to read your comment... might explain the really odd dreams I had.

In answer to your questions... Um... yes yes yes and no... but I bet Mr. Kaos would... he's so not shy about it.

Secondly... hahaha. I'll tell you later.

thirdly... neither have I.

holly said...

okay : i thought of you in the car. which is to say i thought of your husband's penis in the car. is that alright?

1) the pleasure wand 2000

2) the stick OF LOVE

3) steve

4) pokey mcpokesalot

damn there was another one that was the best and i now can't bloody remember! damn!

i'll. be. back.

there's more than one entry per household, yeah?

Stu said...

Even though me and Mr Happy have been mentioned I think Holly's "Pokey McPokesalot" is classic.

'Twig and Berries' is always funny though.

-Stu

sybil law said...

Um, this really is sort of skeevish. He gets sorta bent outta shape of it isn't something MANLY or MONSTROUS, right? Hahaha

flutter said...

Vladimir the Impaler

Amy said...

Pumping pole of penile power

Thrill Drill

Harry and the Hendersons

Purple pillar of pulsating power

Thor the Muff Marauder

The Taco Torpedo

Alby the albino cave dweller

The Zipper Ripper

DK (Dick King)

Excalibur




...although specifically for Mr. Kaos (via the penis name generator his unique penis names was:

Humphrey the Enthusiastic Weapon of Mass Destruction

holly said...

now that's JUST CHEATING, amy!!!

Bubblewench said...

holy crap thank you for letting me off the hook!

denise said...

I had a boyfriend in high school who named his "the big pink tower of power" but he was ambitious he was neither towering or big, in that area anyway.
I just think twig and berries is hilarious.
mine just calls it his penis, but he says it so dirty that is might as well be a name.

Jo Beaufoix said...

I am rolling on the floor laughing my ass off.
That is so funny I used real words instead of just abbreviations, that's how funny it it.

And I'm late, bad Jo, but good, cos I got to read all the entrants and laugh more.

I particularly like Pokey Mcpokesalot from Holl, and twig and Berries, and Dan;s Megatron commment was funny.

Hmmmmmm.

How about,

Tiki dikki

Alvin and the Chipmonks

Bob the knob

Elvis

Dave

Or The..., no, that's bad. I just thought of something, and nearly wrote it, then realised there was an a really rude way to interpret it. Even ruder than it just being a name for a penis.
God I am so glad I didn't write that. It was really icky.

Shivers.

Must go now, before I am traumatised.

CamiKaos said...

Jo, One of yours... I really like it... I'm not saying which.

Denise: Wow, the Big Pink Tower of Power... oddly Tower of Power is one of Mr Kaos' favorite groups.

BW: no problem

Holly: Don't worry darling, cheaters never prosper over here... or rarely.

Amy: I do like one of yours... but not the cheaty one... though since you told us where you got it... now that I think of it maybe that's not cheating... I think Holly is just a little... sensitive... about your deceit.

Flutter: OOOooooohhhhhhh.....

Sybil: But it is manly... and while I wouldn't use the word monstrous because that implies some kind of deformity... it would say it deserves a name of size and integrity.

Stu: noted.

Holly: my next door neighbor's name is steve... plus whenever I hear the name steve I always think of the sentence "No, it wasn't me, I was on the moon with Steve"

Oh, The Joys said...

The Kaos-en-ator!

"Makin' some Kaoses!"

CamiKaos said...

otj: fabu

Kami said...

Harkening back to my pod cast with you and Mr. K, and the phallic-ness of the mircophone ...I think Mick.

Or...

his Bag of tricks?

the Goods

Blow torch

Edmund

King Kamehameha

Mr. Schnüffler (german for dick)

Mr. Schlauberger (german for clever dick, because one wants one's dick to be clever doesn't one?)

daryl e said...

How glad am I that I scrolled down .. VERY...

My suggested name for Mr. Kaos' private parts are as follow:

KaosKontrol

Kome on admit it, its Klever!

Jo Beaufoix said...

Ohh Cami, there are so many cool ones. Maybe you could have one for each day of the week??

holly said...

i really like king kamehameha, by kami. but it's too long.

my final submission is :

the chubb.

because it is a fire extiguisher. it puts out your fire, and also implies girth. :)

Jamie said...

How about Richard? (It's long for dick.)