Monday, November 19, 2007

unexpected

Yesterday was a day filled to the brim with the unexpected.

I awoke knowing what needed to get done and though my body ached from the long hard hours of work I've been putting in to finish tiling, priming, painting and more, I pushed ahead knowing that soon I could sit back and breath a satisfied sigh of relief at my new bathroom.

I made Mr. Kaos a pot of coffee. I fed my child. I fed myself.

I made a wonderful brine for the salmon to soak in before it went out to the smoker, I washed the salmon sides and set them in the salty liquid.

I took down tape and spacers from the beautiful finished shower. I thought how nice it would be when I could grout it... just one more day I thought. nice.

When it was time to pull the fish from it's brine bath I rinsed it again and laid it out to dry, took it downstairs out of the way of the heater, the cats and curious K's fingers.

After a while the ache became pain and I decided to take a much needed rest and I laid down to watch an awful movie that made me laugh in its complete stupidity... but with an achy back and too much to do in the near future I reveled in it.

I was just getting ready to doze off for a nice little late afternoon nap, an unexpected pleasure to be sure, when I heard a neighbor's voice as she and her family made their way up our front steps. I thought little of it until moments later when Mr. Kaos popped his head into our bedroom door to ask me "Do you want to get up? The neighbors are here."

Mr. Kaos is a smart man.

He quickly closed the door and ran before I could accost him whisper screaming "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME PEOPLE WERE COMING OVER??!!!!!" But he wasn't there to whisper scream at so I sat in an irate puddle of pain for a few minutes torn between getting dressed (I wasn't) and putting in my contacts (I hadn't) and washing my face (I needed to). After a few moments I rose and dressed, set aside my glasses and headed upstairs. I had to walk through my messy house to do so. Our clutter these days really reflects what we've been busy with. Art papers and bathroom bits are strewn about the living and dining room.

And people were here. HERE in my mess. With my unswept floor and my papers everywhere.

NO NO NO THERE ARE PEOPLE HERE.

My neighbor asked if I had been sleeping and I tried to bite back a laugh.... I wish I could sleep in the middle of the day.

No.

I explained that my back had been sore from the tiling and that I think Mr. Kaos had forgotten to let me know they were coming. She offered to leave and I told her it was fine, just fine... and it was because after I put in my contacts and washed my face and checked on the kids I opened a bottle of sparkly that my neighbor and I sat and drank down as the kids played and the men watched the smoke flow forth from the smoker as the salmon slowly made its way to done.

My phone rang a few times, I ignored it but later learned that it had been my mother shortly followed by my father who were calling me to let me know that my father is a candy ass and that he IS NOT. I laughed at their voice mails when my neighbors had gone home. I was smiling though my back hurt. I called them back but there was no answer so I laughed with my husband and tasted some fish before my phone rang again.

I sat at the table with my mimosa, my 3rd mimosa, after the voice mails I had gotten I expected to laugh. I expected to chuckle holding my sides. I expected to smile and to be happy. Happy talking to my mom and dad.

And I was for a moment, but then once we recapped the funny funny my mother told me why she hadn't answered when I called. She'd been on the phone with her sister, my aunt.

My aunt hasn't been well for a while. She takes care of everyone first and herself somewhere long down the line. And well, she hasn't been well for a while. She's been in ill health and despite the fact that I know she wouldn't have me worry for her, I do. I love her. She's my family.

And it sounds like, well it sounds like things may be getting worse... or that they are worse. Worse than we knew and today they are looking into it. Today they are testing and finding out if there is a horrible word they can apply to her ill health. A word that will word make her say she gives up.

A word that would keep her from fighting anymore.

Some days I relish the unexpected. I marvel in it and bask in the glow of discovery.


Yesterday... yesterday I wish the unexpected hadn't been.

Tomorrow I don't know what to hope for.

8 comments:

Dan said...

Sounds like a rough day. Hope things turn out ok.

mielikki said...

oh I am sorry to hear about that. I hope your Aunt doesn't give up.
Let me know if I can help.

Lindy said...

I hope everything turns out ok.

Lori- Fairytales & Margaritas said...

I hope everything is ok. Hugs and prayers for your aunt.

Lisa Milton said...

Hope everything turns out ok; that's scary...

flutter said...

Oh honey I hope everything turns out ok!

CamiKaos said...

thank you all. I feel silly now, like I was dumping on the blogosphere... but thank you so much.

Jo Beaufoix said...

God Cami. I feel so bad that I've not been round enough lately. Am sending hugs, and I hope the news is OK, and if not, that you can all deal with it together.
Will be thinking of you all.