Friday, May 04, 2007

the caulk master, the cock master, and the magical internet connection...

I can't begin to tell you how much caulk was used unnecessarily in our bathroom. I don't even know where it could have come from. I didn't know there was a need for that much caulk in the whole world, let alone our little bathroom. After spending an entire day scraping it off I am so over caulk.

So instead of hemming and hawing about the Caulk Master of Kaos house I will tell you about the Cock Master. Back in the day when people used VCR's instead of DVD players and Mr. Kaos and I were only dating he gave himself the curious name of "Cock Master". Now it has obvious sexual connotations and I could say countless complimentary things about him in this particular arena but still to this day I am not quite sure where the name came from or why. He would sign notes with it, yell it loudly while I watched TV or cooked dinner, he even changed his name in my cell phone to Cock Master. Where did that come from? Yes yes, obviousness aside; Cock Master?

Well the Cock Master has become the master of many things in my life since the days of VCR's and pink futons (his pink futon not mine) not the least of which is all the technological mayhem that lives, nay, thrives, here in the house of Kaos. So yesterday when I returned home from dropping K off at school and sat down with my lap top eager to write a post about my evening of martini sipping family fun and my laptop flat out refused to connect to anything -Internet, what is this Internet of which you speak?- I called Mr. "Cock Master" Kaos at work and said "fix it please".


After a lot of looking at lights both blinky and solid, pulling of plugs, pinging of addresses and talk talk talking we were able to determine that something was wrong. What? I have no clue. He was at work and I am not blinky light room savvy.

He called those people that provide us with our fix, you know, the Internet service providers, and they determined that they were still receiving packets (hooray I love packets, packets of what people?) but that I had NOTHING. NADA. ZIP. ZILCH. ZERO.


They decided it was on our end. Mr. "Cock Master" Kaos decided it was our router, he said it was flaky. I thought that term was reserved for me and he never seems to want to replace me with a new Cami so I couldn't quite figure out how to feel about our sudden need to rip that poor little box out of it's cozy ceiling home and replace it with another that wouldn't be so free spirited. He was quite sure though, and who am I to stand in the way of progress (unless I am the flaky thing in question), especially since I had no Internet to make me smile with my rainbow of happy non VPness...

So I went about my day as best I could with the shakes and nerve twitches from computer withdrawal, smashed and scraped and found too much caulk in the bathroom and then went to pick up K from her play date. It was sunny with just a threat of huge storms and we took a little jaunt around the neighborhood stopping for cookies and hot chocolate before hanging out with some friends in their yard. Just when it looked like the sky would split open and pour we headed inside to find???

A magically working Internet connection!!!!! I think the flaky router heard us talking and decided to hop to and make good on it's routing duties. So progress was not made, my little blue router friend still has it's cozy ceiling home and I have all but erased any evidence that the Caulk Master visited our home. Though I'm keeping the Cock Master around just in case...

11 comments:

julie said...

The funny thing about the title Cock Master is it inherently implies mastery of another's cock (or cocks in general), as opposed to one's own cock. You know, like ringmaster or chess master. So... hmmm. I wonder if he ever thought of it in that way.

mielikki said...

Your problem is scarily close to what happened to Celtic Rose. She has a laptop, she was blogging, and the router ended up being her ultimate problem. However, she had to replace hers, and the new one is still giving her fits. . .

Bubblewench said...

We have a brand new one. Still sitting in the box. I will most likely be the one to finally figure it out and get it working.

I'm so glad you're keeping Cock Master.

CamiKaos said...

Julie: I thought of that at the time but I don't think he ever did... which is why I still laugh. The English language is a wonderous thing...

M & BW: My router is not evil, it is just allegedly flaky. I wish everyone the best of luck with router issues in the future. Just remember... oh hell I don't know.

sybil law said...

PINK FUTON?! Haha...
Mr. Law's nickname is Donkey, and of course it started with something so completely innocent (or did it?!) and of course now, you have the fun of it sounding so, so DIRTY.
Flipping routers.

Chadness said...

So, let me guess... Mr. Cock Master power-cycled the router (a fancy term for turning it off) AND the laptop, turned everything back on at the same time, and then every thing worked? I think Mr. Cock Master needs business cards.

Dr. Glue

CamiKaos said...

syb: Yes. Pink. I know. Donkey! nuff said.

chadness: No, but I did all those things and hours later it just came back on its own. I'm thinking the I-S-P was full of s-h-i-t thought because I can't imagine how after 8 hours my router would just POOF work like magic...

Martin Declan Kelly said...

You know what's going to be fun? Going to dinner with you guys at VQ or Jakes, and addressing him as Cock Master M*** in front of the server

So, so, *so* totally going to do that.

CamiKaos said...

Martin you can do that as often as you like, if you'd get your ass home that is.

Mr. Kaos said...

**sigh**

I NEVER gave myself the nickname "Cock Master". It was "D, D the Lawyer Man" who gave the nickname to me when we were all hanging out drinking one night. It bacame a real joke when I "caulked" the new floor in the kitchen when we moved in...

Giddy. said...

*snicker*

You said caulk.