Cami Kaos: mommified me

Nothing to see here... move along.

2008-10-06T08:29:00.001-07:00

Everything is back up and running at camikaos.com so won't you please update all your links and love notes and join me there?

This blog will self destruct in about a week.

Love & Kisses

leaving...

2008-10-05T20:08:00.000-07:00

If you find yourself here instead of at camikaos.com it means you're headed in the wrong direction.

Please update any links you may wish to update and fix any blog readers you need to fix... I'd love to see you all at my new place...

Love & Kisses,

Cami

15 hours... a more practical look...

2008-10-03T00:00:00.000-07:00

but still over there...

I swear this whole thing will be fixed up soon.

15 hours... over there

2008-10-02T00:00:00.000-07:00

Still don't have things the way I want them so no redirect yet. Please enjoy my post for the day over there...

15 hours... my touchy feely post about WordCamPDX

Really, soon you won't have to do anything crazier than you'd normally do to read my posts.

shiny and new and over there...

2008-10-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

I'm playing with the wordpress site... it's not done. it's a test site.

Go look and say hello... but don't get used to it soon enough you'll be visiting the same old address you know and love.

coco

what's in a name?

2008-09-30T00:00:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog nearly 2 years ago the name was an afterthought. I started it for myself, and at the time I didn't really grasp the far reaching tendrils of blogging. I didn't realize that writing this blog was going to become a daily part of my life. I didn't know that blogging would leave such a deep mark on my heart. That it would effect my husband's life. My daughter's.

It didn't occur to me that it would touch everything I do in some way.

I didn't realize that writing this blog would bring me out of myself.

That I would wind up meeting people not only over the vast internets but also right here at home.

So 2 years ago when I started this blog a name was just a name. 'Mommified Me' seemed to sum up nicely who I was and what was going on. The problem? It only made sense to me. A few people have gotten the real meaning of the title in the time I've been writing here. That these pages are a way to reflect the version of me that motherhood has brought about, and not that this blog is about being a mom.

The truth is that I write about such a broad range of topics here that mentioning "mom" in the title seems to be a bit restricting. I've known that for a while but very recently a friend gave me a piece of information that made me realize it was time to let go of my old title.

And what better time than now when all else with my blog is in transition.

Does that mean the content or aim of this blog will change? No. The content will still be the ramblings of CamiKaos. Sometimes I'll talk about things that mean the world to me sometimes I'll talk about a particularly tough stain in my last load of wash, you never know.

As for my aim? When I figure out what I'm aiming for I promise you'll be the first to know.

So without further ado I present to you the new name of my blog:

Cami Kaos

I know... has there ever been a more anticlimactic announcement ever? Maybe I'll had a snazzy subtitle...

chrysalis

2008-09-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

For the first time since we ripped out our main floor bathroom my posts will all be variations on a theme this week. No it has nothing to do with remodeling our house, I've had quite enough of that for this year thank you very much...

Instead I'm going to be remodeling, reforming, transforming and fixing the space I write in. I mentioned it last week but it warrants repeating for several reasons (not the least of which is that it's what I came up with to write about). This week should see many changes around these parts, and while I hope that the end result will be pleasing (not just for me, I want you to be happy too.. really. As long as it doesn't put me out) it's going to take some time and energy for me to get there.

I've got a plan of attack ready, I know what needs to change, I'm ready. I'm wrapping myself up in a big bundle of nerves and time constraints and forging ahead, relocating my blog, changing it's name (more on that later) and probably losing my mind in the process since I'm also swept up in at least 2 other large projects this week.

On Saturday I attended WordCamPDX which answered a lot of questions that needed answering and raised about 6,000 more that I'm looking in to. I'll have an entire post on my experience at word camp later in the week but for now I leave you with this picture of Verso and I taken by Jane Wells.

Yeah, we rock... we know.

toonlet fridays...

2008-09-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

***

Join us Friday September 26th at 9:30pm for another live episode of Strange Love. We'll be starting 30 minutes early this week because I have to get my lazy self up and to Word Camp early in the morning (as does our guest). Oh, the guest... have I not yet mentioned that we'll have the fantastically talented Portland transplant Mark Colman on the couch?

As a special treat for all you early birds, afterhours will begin at 10:00 pm with another speical guest... YO! YO! YO!!!!

on the tooth fairy...

2008-09-25T00:00:00.000-07:00

In the past two weeks we have become authorities on the whimsical little gal that flits and flies from house to house collecting the fallen teeth of children.

Authorities.

We have more knowledge, more education, more factual tooth fairy information than we could have ever hoped for.

The education, it all comes from our lovely 6 year old child who has at last count lost 2 teeth (though we expect wiggly tooth number three to come on down with in the next couple weeks as well... hell at the rate her teeth are going she'll be back on baby food in no time).

K knows things. She knows things about all kinds of things and she loves to tell you.

For instance, she is incredibly fond of pointing out that a tomato is in fact a fruit not a vegetable as the food industry would lead us to think. The platypus is a mammal despite the fact that it lays eggs. You should never drink salt water, even if you're really really realllllly thirsty.

These things are all true and she tells me these facts every day even though I'm the one that told her all of that in the first place. She also tells Dr. Normal. I'm pretty sure she's shared that information with my mom & dad, her aunt & uncle, missburrows and everyone else she's ever spoken to for more than 67 seconds...

But it was a great surprise to me the other day when she started naming off some lesser known pieces of information about the tooth fairy. She started thinking very hard about tooth fairy truths after one of her tooth fairy expectations was not met.

*Gasp*

One of her expectations of the tooth fairy wasn't met???? Surely not! How can this be?

"What happened that you thought was off?" I asked her.

"She took the envelope" K replied.

I know I should have nodded and smiled and walked it off... but I didn't. It engaged her, I may have even baited her a little thinking that my own tooth fairy knowledge was greater than hers. I am after all 31 years old have lost not only all of my baby teeth but my wisdom teeth as well...

"Of course she took the envelope" I said "you put the tooth in it silly, what did you expect her to do OPEN IT?"

"Yes. She was supposed to take my tooth out of the envelope and put it in her sack with all the other teeth... it makes it easier later"

She may have added a barely audible "Duh" on the end of that, but I like to think she doesn't think I'm so stupid that I deserve a "Duh" so I think we'll leave that out.

K then imparted to me the tale of the tooth fairy how she wanders far and wide collecting teeth from all over the world and placing them in her little bag of teeth. I can only suppose that it's a magical bag because in K's version of things the tooth fairy was not hauling a garbage sack full of pearly whites at the end of her long shift.

"Then" K said excitedly "When she gets back to her place she gets them all cleaned up so she can hand them down."

We were walking while we had this talk so I thought I had misheard her... Hand them down? Surely she didn't say hand them down...

"What?" I asked.

"She has to get them cleaned up so she can get them ready for the new babies mom."

Oh.My.Heck... in a pickle jar. Really? My kid just told me that baby teeth are hand me downs???

Really, she did she totally did. I nodded and smiled and told her how clever that was, I'd never thought of it before and in my book, that makes it clever. By the time we reached home she hadd her story completely justified. Proven. Ever wonder why some kids get cavities so quickly? It's because the kid that had them before them didn't brush enough. Or maybe they didn't floss. Or MAYBE their mom and dad let them have too much candy all the time and lots and lots of juice. Why are some kids born with teeth missing? Because some kid forgot to leave his tooth out for the fairy, or some girl accidentally swallowed her lost tooth in her mashed potatoes... on Thanksgiving... at her grandma's house...

Okay that was me, I swallowed my tooth in my mashed potatoes... but I was just a kid and it was an accident. Really!!! I didn't mean to do it. My big cousin even wrote the tooth fairy a touching note verifying that I did in fact lose a tooth and was not scamming her out of that shiny quarter (thanks Mie)...

My point being, my kid knows more than I do about fairies and what not and no matter what I may have thought in the past I'm totally going to defer to her knowledge in the future.

Before we go I want to leave a couple notes here.

For the kid who got my baby teeth: I'm sorry about all those maraschino cherries I ate after brushing my teeth, but they were really good.

For the kid that gets K's baby teeth: You're welcome... her baby teeth are perfect and full of whimsy, just like the rest of her.

planning...

2008-09-24T00:00:00.000-07:00

This Saturday I'm going to spend all day... from the very early morning until I'm so tired I want to curl into a little ball, snuggle up and wrap myself in a blanket with my darling husband next to me watching some sort of SciFi program while letting my brain decompress. Which is to say I'm going to WordCamp Portland, and all day conference/ un-conference hybrid for WordPress users and developers.

...Cami looks left...

...Cami looks right...

*chirp chirp*

So yeah... this blog... isn't a WordPress blog. My other labor of love, Strange Love Live, it's not hosted on WordPress either.

Yet.

I'm hoping that with what little I know about WordPress now plus the wealth of knowledge I'll gain on Saturday I'll be able to set my pages up right. get things squared. settled.

I don't know how much actual writing I'm going to get done this week as I plan, prepare and ponder my options and solutions. On a positive note you guys don't have to do anything at all. When the changes are made and all decisions are final I will just point my domains on over where they need to be.

Which will be there... somewhere... elsewhere on these interwebs.

Yet.

losing my libido... part 2

2008-09-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

It seemed so clear what had to be done, after all my sex drive had been decimated and though I didn't want to have sex, I wanted to want it. I wanted to feel like that sassy sultry woman I once knew as me. I wanted to throw on a cute little dress and some high heels and not worry that I might be taunting my husband or attracting his attention.

I wanted to feel sexual again, and I wanted him to feel wanted.

It really should have been a simple thing for me to do, pick up the phone, call the doctor's office and let them know that something wasn't right, but it wasn't. You see with my sexual nature gone so was my ability to discuss sex with ease. I found it painful to dial the number to my doctor's office and when they answered and asked what the reason for my appointment was, the closest I could get to an answer was:

I think the dose on my prescription may a little off.

They got me in relatively quickly, maybe a week later. I remembered the day my doctor told me it was okay to have sex once again and how happy I'd been... How far things had come. As I sat in the waiting room I nervously crossed and uncrossed my legs, fiddled with my purse and pretended to read a magazine or two. By the time the nurse called me back to the exam room I was a wreck. While she did all the normal things, weighing me, checking my height and blood pressure, asking me the reason for my visit, I concentrated on one thing only. Making it out of the room without crying. She left the room after telling me the doctor would be with me shortly and I resumed my nervous fidgeting until the doctor came in. It was one of the female doctors in the practice, the one who delivered our child. When she came in she smiled and asked me how my daughter was.

"Beautiful" I told her.

But that wasn't the reason I was there, I pressed on and told her what I had said on the phone, that I thought the dosage on my birth control pills must be off. That I didn't feel right, that I was emotional at all the wrong times. I cried while watching telephone commercials. I wasn't myself.

And then sitting in the exam room I cried, not a tiny silent teardrop, not a little sniffle. I cried. I sobbed. I was so embarrassed that I cried more. But then it couldn't have gotten any worse so as soon as I was able to breathe properly I told her the real problem.

I don't want to have sex ever.

She nodded and patted me on the back and then asked a series of questions. The only thing I recall her asking with any clarity though was if that was abnormal for me. I snapped out of the sulks, my embarrassment was momentarily banished.

YES. Yes it's very abnormal for me.

"Then we'll fix it"

I breathed such a sigh of relief that moment. Even though I had been bat shit crazy and sobbing in the exam room I'd made myself heard. She knew what the problem was. We were going to fix it! It took a lot of trial and error, several different prescriptions and a bit more time. With each change the fog slowly lifted. At first sex wasn't horrifying, but that wasn't enough for me. I told her it still wasn't right and we changed the prescription again... then I was once again back in the sex saddle but my moods became less predictable than the sea and I had violent mood swings.

Oops. Try again.

Eventually I had to be taken off birth control pills entirely because they were contributing to my high blood pressure and that's when it happened.

It was almost a month after the last pill had been swallowed that I realized it. My daughter was no longer a baby, she was a toddler. My marriage had somehow survived more than a year of hormone driven insanity and sex disorder and by some miracle, or what seemed like one, I was me again.

Certainly imperfect, slightly kinky, fun loving, emotional and sex driven me.

***

On Friday October 17th at 10 pm Strange Love Live will have it's first Q&A episode and the topic will be sex sex sex. It's a big topic so to help answer questions we'll be joined by MissBurrows and Melissa Lion. Have a sex related question for us? Leave it here or email me at strangelovelove@gmail.com. If you wish to remain anonymous on air please let me know in your email.

strange love live... look over there...

2008-09-21T21:24:00.000-07:00

The latest episodes of Strange Love Live with guest Aaron Hockley are up now.

Go on... go get them.

As always you can listen to the show here, download them or subscribe so that you can always be the first to know when we've released a new episode...

***

Join us Friday September 26th at 9:30pm for another live episode of Strange Love. We'll be starting 30 minutes early this week because I have to get my lazy self up and to Word Camp early in the morning (as does our guest). Oh, the guest... have I not yet mentioned that we'll have the fantastically talented Portland transplant Mark Colman on the couch?

As a special treat for all you early birds, afterhours will begin at 10:00 pm with another speical guest... YO! YO! YO!!!!

losing my libido... part 1

2008-09-19T00:00:00.000-07:00

Not long after my daughter was born, in the grand scheme of things, I started to feel amorous towards my husband again. I thought it would be forever but it really wasn't that long at all.

The doctor told me to wait 6 weeks before having any sexual contact.

6 weeks. When he said 6 weeks it sounded very reasonable. Actually it sounded insane. I thought at that moment, 2 days after I had given birth:

6 weeks!! Are you INSANE? Do you know what I've just been through? Do you have any idea what's just come out of my vagina? A person! A small person but a person none the less... and blood. AND A PLACENTA. I'm not having any sexual contact for 6 MONTHS!

That's what I thought, but what I said was "Okay". And then I climbed into a wheelchair and with my newborn in my arms allowed the nurse to wheel me out of the hospital. The entire wheelchair trip I remember thinking that the doctor was clearly insane.

3 weeks later I started to feel a bit more like myself and realized that I hadn't had sex in months. I'd been on bed rest at the end of my pregnancy and vomiting for the rest of it, so sex had seldom been had. Yes, at 3 weeks when the arrival of visitors had started to slow, when I was walking almost normally and we had gotten K into something approaching a routine I somehow once again was thinking of myself as a sexual person. I wasn't ready to have sex yet, but I was thinking along those terms.

When the 6 week mark hit and I had a check up with my doctor one of the questions I asked was "Can I have sex yet?". He didn't look terribly surprised and he answered me with the wisdom that an experienced OB/GYN has acquired. "When you want to have sex again, you're allowed to". I asked for and was given a prescription for birth control pills and was on my way out of the exam room.

I can't relate the hugeness of the weight that was lifted from me. Not only was I thinking about sex again but I was allowed to have it. I would have danced out of the office if I could have (I'm a terrible dancer). When I got to the waiting room to find my husband and child waiting for me I smiled immediately. I wanted him. I wanted him right then and there but instead of doing it on the waiting room couch we packed up K's things and headed out the door.

When we got home from my appointment there was so much to do and so little time and we went about our day... until... until K went down for her nap. While she was sleeping I attempted to ravage my husband.

It was slow going and I didn't have an orgasm. He was scared to hurt me, I was scared to be hurt. It wasn't entirely unlike losing my virginity. I felt safe with a man I loved but was still scared out of my mind and when all was said and done I was sore and somewhat bewildered.

Time passed quickly and before I knew it I was back in the swing of things. Our sex life began to approach half of what it had once been and I was content with that. I no longer had time to paint myself from head to toe with silver body paint, don a pair of leather hot pants and greet him at the door with a martini in hand but we did find time for a roll in our bed before we turned out the lights and fell asleep...

And it was good.

Until the hormones in my birth control pills kicked in and knocked every last ounce of passion out of me. Suddenly I went from a sexy and sexual woman who craved encounters with my husband to a lump of a stay at home mom who was perfectly content to be my partners best friend and nothing more.

I knew something was wrong.

I'd always had a very healthy sexual appetite. Like anyone, my libido waxed and waned, but never had I just plain not wanted to have sex. Something had to be done, but what? I tried feigning interest in sex, it did no good. I was half a step from finding the thought of sex with my husband repulsive and that just didn't seem right. After 6 months of feeling like a part of me had been incised, scowling at Dr. Normal when he made a sexual overture and feeling guilty that I no longer wanted sleep naked because I was afraid he might try to *gasp* have sex with me, I finally talked to Dr. Normal about was happening.

I couldn't carry on that way any longer, I needed to be me again and I felt strongly that my husband deserved to be with the sex kitten he married, or at least some semblance of her.

To be continued...

***

On Friday October 17th at 10 pm Strange Love Live will have it's first Q&A episode and the topic will be sex sex sex. It's a big topic so to help answer questions we'll be joined by MissBurrows and Melissa Lion. Have a sex related question for us? Leave it here or email me at strangelovelove@gmail.com. If you wish to remain anonymous on air please let me know in your email.

my fortune...

2008-09-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

It was a rare night for me, instead of the normal weeknight where I settle down to a family meal then tuck my little one into bed I went out with friends. We started by meeting up with the Our PDX folks for a drink (possibly two) and then moved on to a quick and terribly unhealthy dinner.

True to my weeknight form though I grew tired, as did my friends, and by 7:30 we were on our way back to my house. When I got home things were running smoothly, but just a little bit late. Dr. Normal and K had just wrapped up dinner and were hurrying to get K ready for bed, no doubt to show me things could run smoothly in my absence.

When we arrived home my lovely friends came inside to say goodnight and I slowly began to transition from the woman who had been out on the town in tight jeans, 3 inch heels and clip on devil horns back into the cozy comfy mama. Our friends departed after a round of hugs and kisses and then it was story time. Dr. Normal took K in her room as I took off my heels, removed my contact lenses and contemplated sleep. I heard his voice carry into the bathroom, he was reading the book she picked up at the library. A book I'd read only once but already loved.

After washing my face I went into her room and climbed onto her bed to hear the rest of story time and I saw one of the most wonderful things I will ever see in my lifetime...

The two people I most admire and adore curled up by the dim light of a lamp reading together, sharing a story, a tale, a dream...

They are so very beautiful.

And I?

Am so very fortunate.

rush hour

2008-09-17T00:00:00.000-07:00

Half the Summer I looked ahead to the lazy days of Fall when K would be back to school and I could have some time to myself. When I could nap, luxuriate in quiet, have long lunches or read a book...

What was I thinking? What sort of bizarre dreamland was I living in and how is it even possible that I am ten times busier now than I was weeks ago when I spent all day with a 6 year old shadow?

On those long past summer days we slept in. We ate leisurely breakfasts. We played. We colored. We frolicked and blew bubbles! Now we get up at 6:30 in the morning, scarf down food, rush to get dressed, to make lunches and scramble out the door in an early morning mental fog.

I don't get to go straight home and relax. No nap time. No long lunches. My task list is ever growing... Oh summer won't you please come back.

cleansing

2008-09-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

I'm fairly certain that the information I'm about to impart to you falls into the category of things you didn't want to know about CamiKaos (or anyone else on the planet that isn't running for the Office of President or vying for the #1 position on some VH1 celebrities who are famous countdown)...

I love cleaning my ears. One of the things I look forward to each and every day is that time a few minutes after I get out of the shower when I can pick up a couple of Q-tips (and yes I mean Q-tips, not generic cotton swabs because there is sooo a difference) and clean my ear. I don't know what it is but it ranks up there in my top ten list of pleasurable sensations...

It's on par with that first big stretch of the morning and the taste of bacon.

heredity

2008-09-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

It's funny what we pass on to our kids, and I say that sitting at the computer eating cold chicken fried rice out of a Chinese take out container.

For breakfast.

I remember walking in the kitchen as a kid and seeing my dad lean against the counter in his bathrobe with the little white take out box in one hand and a fork in the other scarfing down cold fried rice or chow mein. I thought it was horrible that he did that. Gross.

But anytime we have Chinese take out you can find me eating cold fried rice out of the carton the next day. Heredity.

It causes me to wonder what bothersome traits I may pass on to K... I don't have to search too hard to see ways in which she has already taken after me... she has my imagination.

That can be a beautiful thing, and as I watch her play with dolls or just a piece of paper and hear her whispering secrets to the world she's created I'm proud of her. When she sits on a chair swinging her legs loudly singing lyrics she's made up on the spot I glow with pride. When she dictates a poem to me in hopes I'll write it down for her I marvel at her innovation and when she writes and illustrates a fantastic story with nothing more than a pencil and a pad of post it notes I am awestruck...

But all that greatness, it comes at a price. With all the beautiful wanderings of her mind come the maudlin cries of a girl whose mind can reach the farthest, darkest corners of this universe... and then venture a little further. Her nightmares and scary imaginings are every bit as vibrant as her dreams and stay with her just as long...

I've explained to her, and I think she understands, that with the good there is often some bad. Things have a way of balancing themselves out. That it's hard to grasp happiness when you haven't known sorrow. Fearlessness without Fear. Day with out Night...

I'm glad she has such an active imagination, such a creative mind... but sometimes I wish she'd just pick up a carton of cold fried rice instead...

strange love live... quick look over there...

2008-09-14T11:29:00.000-07:00

I've decided that if you want to go get the latest episode of Strange Love Live you can just click on over to get it. You see that crazy little show that Dr. Normal and I created (with love, some microphones, insanity and a tiny bit of booze) has had it's very own site for quite some time. When I post a Strange Love Live episode here, it's just a copy of what I post over there...

Why the sudden change of heart (or posting habits)? Because the last Strange Love Live post was long... it included 3 episodes we recorded over the weekend (Two 30 minute Tech shows and a 1 hour afterhours) along with descriptions of them and some hilarious chat room excerpts. It belongs on the Strange Love site...

I will continue to hold the hand of those of my blog readers that are also show listeners and post a link to the newest episodes, but not the full post.

This week head over to Strange Love Live's site for podcaster and android and afterhours...

As always you can listen to the show there, download them or subscribe so that you can always be the first to know when we've released a new episode...

***

Join us Friday September 19th at 10pm for another live episode of Strange Love. The latest guest in our recent string of lovely Portland people is Aaron Hockley. We'll start off the night for a talk about the who, what, when, where and why of Word Camp PDX. After 30 minutes of all things word press we'll shift over to #afterhours where we're sure to cover items including (but not limited to) photography, train porn, geekiness and why he doesn't love my new laptop.

fridays...

2008-09-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

First a toonlet and then a reminder...

Join us tonight, Friday September 12th at 10pm for another episode of Strange Love Live. This time we'll be joined by the charming Don Park (otherwise known as @donpdonp). I'm hoping that he'll be able to shed some light on Android for me and when that's through I'll see if he can justify his stance on barefoot lawn mowing and not following me on twitter.

at my feet...

2008-09-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

I dislike being told that I'm going to hell. I really do. I find it distasteful and more than a little bit rude... but I've heard it more times than I care to recall and read it more times than I can count. If I weren't so very fond of myself I might start to take it personally, but to tell you the truth I'm okay with the powers that be and I think that if there is a higher power that supreme being is pretty okay with me.

I'm a good person. I love my family. I don't hurt people (when I can help it). I don't kill anyone. I only lie when it's totally and completely necessary and I never cheat, not even on my taxes.

I even do things to help the community...

That wasn't a joke. I sooo volunteer in my community.

So it wasn't really too much of a surprise today when I headed out to pick K up from school and found laying at my feet on the front porch a golden ticket of sorts:

All I have to do to make it to heaven is follow their 10 easy parts... No problem right?

Part 1: What is the Bible?

well it's really more of a question than a step but lets see what they have to say...

The Bible is God's Word. It tells us his law

um... okay...

"The law of the LORD is perfect"

I've always felt like maybe "perfect" is a bit of an exaggeration... but hey if all I have to do to get to heaven is accept the perfection of some law that some unseen being has handed down I think we can make that work.

Part 2: What is Sin?

well according to dictionary.com sin is a bad thing...

Sin is breaking God's law

Right, breaking the law... the one that God set forth... shouldn't be a problem, after all it says up there that the law of God is perfect...

Lying - I can work on that. I'll just tell K tomorrow morning that Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy are mythical creatures made up to cruelly coddle children so that they are horribly disillusioned and spirit broken before they head into their pre-teens.

Cheating - No problem. I hate cheating. My brother used to swear I cheated at Go Fish as a kid because I won almost every time... but I totally NEVER did. I didn't cheat at Monopoly either... but I think he did.

Cursing - Houston, we have a problem... Cursing? Really??!! Cursing... do you think they mean saying "Oh my God what the hell is wrong with you crazy fucking people, won't you shut the hell up and stop talking about that stupid TV show" kind of cursing or the "I condemn you to a life of misery and suffering" kind of cursing... because I could totally go my whole life with out cursing someone like Gypsy's do in storybooks...

Sigh...

I'm not gonna bother with the rest of the pamphlet... I'm pretty sure that on the last page it's just going to tell me I'm going to hell...

key hole...

2008-09-10T00:00:00.000-07:00

Some days are more important than others when you look at the big picture, and I'm sure someday when I look at that picture this particular day may not mean as much as it does right now...

A little before 10 AM I headed out with Missburrows to do some shopping, the day passed quickly and as she dropped me off at K's school 5 minutes before pick up time I was thinking ahead 4 1/2 hours to the PTA meeting I needed to go to. I strolled onto the playground with my purse slung over my shoulder and my purchases in a bright red bag and I waited.

Some days it seems to take forever before the kids are let out for the day and I can head home so I busied myself talking with a few of the parent's from K's class and friends from the neighborhood. I made plans to go to the PTA meeting with a few gal friends and then waited impatiently for the next 60 seconds for them to let my kid out for the day...

And then she was by my side and we were strolling off hand in hand heading home. She was hungry so I pulled a bag of craisens out for her to nibble on. Moments after she bit down on the first soft dried cranberry her face twisted in agony... I'm sure it was just discomfort but to her it was horrible pain. Assuming she bit her cheek I told her it would be fine and smoothed my fingers along her cheek. She popped another craisen into her mouth and her prior reaction was duplicated... and then as we were crossing the street the tears came. Once we were safe on the other side she told me her tooth was bugging her and I leaned down to look at her mouth... that's when I saw it.

Blood.

Oh.Dead.Lord. WHY IS SHE BLEEDING?

I mean I totally knew why she was bleeding, she had a loose tooth. What I meant was WHY NOW? Why not when her dad was home or when she was at school or any moment that didn't require me to do tooth related parenting all by myself.

You may recall months ago she thought she had a loose tooth and wanted to show me but it turned out that tooth really wasn't that loose at all. But I never really looked, so how can I be sure? Because that was in April...

I bit back my trepidation and told K how exciting this was, how great it is that she was about to lose a tooth! She burst into tears and I had to pick her up to keep us moving on our way. We stopped to talk to a friend of mine as she walked down the street and since she has 2 kids who have both lost teeth and this was the first time for both K and myself we asked her to take a peek. She smiled and told K what I had already said. How exciting this was. That she was about to lose her first tooth! That the tooth fairy would probably be coming TONIGHT!

K's tears came in greater waves and we carried on.

"An apple" K exclaimed with one finger in the air, "I need an apple so I can bite it and get my tooth out!"

We took a detour to the grocery store for apples! and caramel! and a bottle of water (I was parched)! and a jar of pickles! (we were out). Then with a bag full of clothing I bought when I was shopping with Missburrows, my purse, a heavy bag of groceries and a sobbing child and her backpack we headed home.

It was a really long walk, not so much for the distance but from the weight of merchandise I was carrying and the slow gait of a scared little girl, but we made it home eventually.

I took another quick peek at K's tooth and then sent her into the bathroom to wash up while I sliced an apple. When she joined me, still in tears, I handed her an apple slice and took one of my own. As she sat down I showed her what I thought would be the most effective method of getting the tooth out through clever use of apple...

"Call Daddy" she cried... and so I did and got his voicemail.

"Call Nana" she managed between sobs... and so I did and she answered.

I quickly explained the situation as K prepared to bite down on her apple slice when my other phone rang.... It was Dr Normal. I held one phone to each ear as I watched K cautiously bite down on her apple.

Nothing happened.

I explained to my mom and Dr. Normal what was going on and K tried again. Nothing happened. I was about to tell her that maybe it was too soon when suddenly...

"I GOT IT" she cried out.

Her tears turned to shock, her shock to joy, her joy to horror as she realized she had NO IDEA where her tooth had gone.

"I have to go, I'll call you back" I yelled into both phones at once.

I looked at K in her moment of pure panic and then glanced down at the plate I'd given her for her tooth and apple and there it sat looking like a teeny tiny little piece of apple. I whisked it away to put into a cup and then filled a mug with salt water for her to rinse with.

At 2:52 on Tuesday September 9th, 2008 my little girl lost her first tooth. In the scale of things, in the story of her life, in the history of the world this might not be a big moment... But today it feels like the most important day ever.

Congrats on loosing your first baby tooth K! I love you.

s...e...x... shh... that spells sex

2008-09-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

This is a topic that's been rolling around in my head for a while, I've been waiting for the perfect time and place to begin the discussion. Well the place is here, after all it's my site and if there's anywhere I can talk about what I want to talk about it's on these pages.

As for timing, well there is no way I could have received a better nudge than this post by one of my favorite blogging gals Deb on the Rocks.

For a while now I've been planning a "Sex Episode" of Strange Love Live with guests Missburrows and Melissa Lion. Planning. Thinking. Scheming. Contemplating a date...

The planning thinking and scheming will continue a little longer but the date is set. On Friday October 17th at 10 pm Strange Love Live will have it's first Q&A episode and the topic will be sex sex sex.

I'll wait a moment for you to catch your breath and deal with the sheer joy and drooling and or pink face and hot ears...

ready?

another moment? Sure take as long as you like.....

...

.....

By now you've come to your senses and are wondering where that leaves you. Not in the dust. Not naked in some bathtub in an unfamiliar house. Not even with a crick in your neck from too much time spent crammed into the backseat of a Volkswagen bug with several of your fellow blog readers.

It leaves you with a chance to be a very very important part of the Strange Love Live Sex Episode. You see in order to have a Q&A we need some Questions. Not just any questions, sex questions... from you!

Before anyone asks, because I know these questions are on the way, the answer to the following questions is all the same:

May I see your (insert body part here)?
May I see Melissa's (insert body part here)?
May I see Missburrows (insert body part here)?

May I show you my (insert body part here)?
May I show Melissa my (insert body part here)?
May I show Missburrows my (insert body part here)?

All good questions and I can see why you would want to ask... but the answer for the purposes of Strange Love Live? No.

What kind of questions do I want? The kind you need to ask. Things you need to know but are afraid to ask your parents, things you don't want to google, things you think we might know about, things you can't get an answer to elsewhere...

We'll answer as many questions as time allows.

So please send me your queries to strangelovelive@gmail.com with Q&A as the subject and I'll get them on the list. Want to ask a question but want to keep your identity private. Just ask me to keep you anonymous and I'll make up an adorable little name for you.

And just so you don't feel like you're out on a limb all by yourself by sending in questions, I'll be putting up one sex involved post per week between now and the sex Episode of Strange Love Live.

Stay tuned...

snips snails and sausage tails

2008-09-08T00:00:00.000-07:00

After a long day (more on that later this week) I find myself in my favorite place in the house.

My bed.

I'm laying in my bed in a tank top and my undies with the covers pulled up as high as I can get them. One cat is curled on my lap giving my computer dirty looks for being where he wants to be while the other sits at my feet content being in my company.

Did I mention it was a really long day? A good day, but a really long one. Did I mention I'm hanging out in my undies and a tank top? I really need some time to just stretch out and relax without the constraints of the outside world.

Or pants.

I was perfectly happy to sit here by myself until sleep overtook me but then DrNormal wandered in and in an attempt to keep him here (without getting naked) I turned on Iron Chef.

"Is it a new episode" he asked.

"Yup"

"DID THEY JUST POUR LIQUID NITROGEN ON SOMETHING?"

"Yup"

"Can we watch it?"

"Of course we can"

I continued to surf the internet a bit, catching up on posts I needed to read, looking over a few e-mails I should reply to, adding a friend on upcoming, checking people out on Facebook, you know... evening things.

"OH MY GOD SNAILS" he screamed (like a frickin' girl)

"ugh... snails" I sighed.

Yeah. It's been a long day and I am so not a snail eater.

strange love episodes: betsy & ourpdx

2008-09-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

Friday night we chatted with Betsy Richter of OurPDX about the site and oh so many other things:

When afterhours started we had Rick Turoczy join in via skype for a little chat about the fate of ORblogs before we began our normal afterhours free for all:

As always you can listen to the show here, download them or subscribe so that you can always be the first to know when we've released a new episode...

***

Join us Friday September 12th at 10pm for another live episode of Strange Love. This time we'll be joined by the charming Don Park (otherwise known as @donpdonp). I'm hoping that he'll be able to shed some light on Android for me and when that's through I'll see if he can justify his stance on barefoot lawn mowing and not following me on twitter.

toonlet fridays...

2008-09-05T00:00:00.000-07:00

***
Tonight, Friday September 5th at 10pm, join us for another episode of Strange Love Live. Our guest is a favorite Portland Person of mine, Betsy Richter.

back at it...

2008-09-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

at 6:15 in the morning my little wobbling bobbling alarm clock did it's thing and woke me up.

For it's trouble, I smacked it. It gave me a measly 4 minutes of slumber.

Irritated beyond belief I smacked my clock again and rolled over settled my feet on the floor and stumbled over to the window. If I had to be awake everyone has to be awake. Dr Normal? Get your ass out of bad. K? Up and at it!

breakfast and clothes and tooth brushing? Check.

lunch packed and backpack ready to go? Check.

photos snapped? Check. Check. Check.

that was the easy part of the day.... the hard part was everything that happened between 8 am and now... 11:00

I'm fading fast with a huge stack of paperwork to fill out, email to read, plans to make, and the world to conquer...

I think all that will have to wait until tomorrow.

get what you came for?

2008-09-03T00:00:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I gave you a glimpse into the insanity of other people's minds. My insanity you can take a gander at anytime you want to, really it's fine by me.

Here are some searches that brought people to my blog, some are proper, mundane, common place... Some? I'll let you decide.

camikaos - this is a fine and lovely thing to search for. I encourage people to search for her more often... I hear she's fab.

junk mail - Do you think they figured out how much I HATE junk mail?

kaos clothing for kids - oddly enough I used to design and then decorate onsies and t-shirts for babies and toddlers. It was something I got into when K was born and I had a rash of friends and acquaintances pregnant all at once. They were adorable in a "This baby could so kick your ass" kind of way. I think one of the shirts said something to that effect...

cami bakersfield - I wonder how many times I've mentioned I lived in Bakersfield... I wonder if they were really looking of me or if they were looking for another gal I know named Kami (with a K) who used to live in Bakersfield too. (Hello doppelganger... I miss you)

ton camis two my - I can't even figure out what this means.

there's no such thing as a free lunch, is it free to you - They really should have ended up at Verso's blog.

kaos bong - I don't have one of those.

laughing-gas - It's good. Ask for it by name.

portland pie-off- amazing that someone would find there way HERE looking for that when they so easily could have been directed instead to so many more qualified pages.

dentist gas? authority - I wouldn't call myself and authority on the topic of dentist gas, I've only had it twice... but I'd say I'm much less hesitant to go to the dentist now than I used to be.

mom in higher heels - I've met moms in much higher heels than mine, I think they're a little nuts.

cami recall - Have I been recalled? Am I defective? I wonder if they can just replace the faulty part or if they'll have to issue a refund... Oh bother.

drunk wearing heels - No, I usually take my heels off if I've had too much to drink.

cami stumptown coffee - I'm trying to remember if I've ever even been there... I know I've never blogged about it.

strange love podcast - Thank you, come again!!!

cat sex toys - not on my blog... missburrows might know something on the topic though (except that she's allergic to cats)

lion sex - sex with a lion is a not, however sex with Lion would be hot.

love stories with sex - of course I do, who doesn't?

and last but not least...

can high heel boots catch on fire - Like anything, I'm sure they could if you tried hard enough.

in a breath...

2008-09-02T00:00:00.000-07:00

In the space of one breath so much can happen.

Breathe in.

My house stills, night noises start. In her room, the child's eyes flutter to a close after so much resistance. One cat, displeased with the hierarchy in the house, pounces upon another as I stretch my legs and point my toes.

In the other room my husband laughs as he sets his wine glass on the coffee table and I instantly wonder why it's called a coffee table. We never set coffee on it.

Both cats have flown from the foot of the bed as I glance at the clock marveling at the steady passage of time. The laughing in the living room continues as does my stretching, not just my legs and toes, my whole body now. As I arch my back my shirt pulls up to reveal my belly and my eye is held by the shiny naval ring, the same one that I wore when it was pierced 12 years ago.

Breathe out.

strange love episodes: openID & bacon with scott kveton

2008-08-31T15:01:00.000-07:00

Thinking back to Friday night, when we recorded a Tech episode of Strange Love Live closely followed by an afterhours episode, it's a bit of a blur. My memory, as well as my judgment may have been clouded by BACON.

(bacon dessert)

Check out the Tech episode, we talk with Scott Kveton about OpenID, OAuth, Vidoop and a few other things as well:

Then tune into this little gem I like to call Strange Love Live: Martini Wishes and Bacon Dreams.

As always you can listen to the show here, download them or subscribe so that you can always be the first to know when we've released a new episode...

***

Join us Friday September 5th at 10pm for another live episode of Strange Love. Our next guest is a favorite Portland Person of mine, Betsy Richter. She'll chat us up about Our PDX and then we'll go wild.

Portland People, go now!

2008-08-30T11:17:00.000-07:00

If you're in Portland and at a loss for things to do today then you aren't looking hard enough...

Here's how we're spending our Saturday!

Portland Pie-Off #mmmpie

3pm at Washington Park. Check out the upcoming page for details.

Why am I going (aside from a tiny hope that I will get to taste some of this amazing pies)? To meet & see all the twitter peeps I wouldn't normally get to see. Pie brings everybody out of the house!

Then I'll have a few precious moments of down time (5 minutes ought to do it) before Missburrows comes knocking on my door. We'll have a snack, doll ourselves up, laugh at each other (like we do) and then head out the door to the Anti-Prom Benefit. I talked about t his event last week and I hope to load some photos up on my flickr page before the weekend is over.

The Anti-Prom is happening 8pm-1am. For details go to the upcoming page.

Hope to see you somewhere!

hope hurts

2008-08-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

For someone with such a pessimistic outlook on life... I really am quite the optimist. I see the very best in my friends and loved ones. I believe that we can make our lives happy, healthy, better.

But for someone with such an optimistic outlook on life... I really am quite a pessimist.

While my faith in people in my life, in my family, in my immediate world, is strong, my faith in the world isn't always what it could be.

Tonight I watched intently as Barack Obama gave his speech accepting the Democratic nomination for President of the United States and I cried. I know I'm not the only one, there were teary eyes across the nation. I'm not ashamed of the tears, of the emotion that was wrenched from me... but the reason for it stings.

At first I thought I was crying because I was so inspired by this man, by his family. It took a while but I realized that my tears were selfish.

This is the first time in my 31 years of life that I have seen a political figure who actually moves me. Someone that I respect. That I admire. That inspires me. That gives me hope.

I don't want that taken away.

I'm afraid that our country, that my fellow citizens will make a mistake and elect another old stuff shirt that sits on his laurels while our country falls to the wolves. I'm afraid that enough people won't stand up and say "yes we can".

For the first time I'm not just voting for the lesser of the evils. I'm voting for someone I truly think will give his all to make this country a place I can be proud to raise my child in.

And I'm so afraid to hope and have my heart broken.

when your siblings say meow...

2008-08-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

It was morning, K and I had just finished eating breakfast and I had a ton of things to do before our busy day got underway. K went downstairs and brought up one of the heavy blankets we use for picnics and laid it down on the floor. Next she began hauling dolls out into the living room.

This isn't an unfamiliar scenario. K plays by herself very well, she has to since she has no siblings. The set up process can be time consuming and because of that it's often the longest stretch of quiet time I get during the day. She needs no help to establish her play area. She can get out hundreds, thousands, millions of toys, blankets and pillows without any assistance (putting them away? that's another matter).

Suddenly the silence was broken much earlier than it should have been. There was trouble in the land of K...

K: Maaammmmaa!

Me: What's up babe?

K: Maaaaammmmmmaaaa make him stop it!

Me: Make who stop what?

K: Him. Tell him to leave me alone! This is MY BLANKET and I need him to get off it.

Me: What?

I got up from my very important task *cough* twittter *cough* and went into the living room to see what the big problem was. K looked at me with a face I know I'd made a million times as a child when my brother decided he had nothing better to do than bug me.

K: Maaaaaaaamma... he's just trying to bother me... can't you make him go away?

Sitting there quite happily, perfectly still, poised like a lion was my black cat. I smiled at K then reached down and stroked Spike's fur. He rose to greet me and meowed before stretching a bit and sauntering away. I turned to K, but before I could speak again she was back to the business of arranging her dolls as she snarled:

You know he just does that to bug me

She's probably right.

paper spam

2008-08-27T00:00:00.000-07:00

I hate junk mail, and yes I know that hate is a really strong word but I stand by my use of it. I hate junk mail with a big red hot passion. I hate junk mail so much, thinking about it makes me want to go have sex with my husband, or knock down a wall or something. It inspires real emotion in me.

Hate is totally an emotion.

The thing is that junk mail is just so wasteful. I know that people have a right to do what they want with their own money, plus it's advertising, so I won't get into that aspect of it... but what about all that paper? Which is really all those trees and all that gas used to move the logs that were once the trees that got cut down.

If only I were that in tune with the environment... I frown upon waste, but mostly, it's just that it's one more thing I have to deal with. Do you have any idea how big my "to shred" pile currently is? It's huge. It's 2 bags full of things I need to shred. Likely 90% of the mail that comes into our house is junk mail.

I think I may be underestimating. Normally I tend to exaggerate a bit but in this case I really don't think I am.

So in this huge intake of junk mail is it possible that there could be one particular type of junk mail that really gets to me? Really gets me upset? Credit card offers? Coupons for fast food restaurants? Insurance come ons? No.

It's the newest selection of junk mail we're getting.

Gambling ads. Betting Catalogs. Entire "magazines" dedicated to making wagers.

In the last 10 days we have gotten 3 pieces of junk mail, 3 thick heavy magazines, catalogs, books if you will, full of information, advertisement and charts all dedicated to betting.

You should know that neither DrNormal or I gamble. We are not betters. There is no thrill in it for us, no allure. We have been known to buy a lottery ticket a few times a year on a lark but that's the extent of it...

So why 3 pieces of literature in 10 days with DrNormal's name on them dedicated to gambling.

Who the hell sold his name to them?

I hate junk mail... I'm gonna go shred something.

stoned

2008-08-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

Once again I lay in the dentist's chair this morning, mouth uncomfortably held open, lips and cheek stuffed with cotton. I was wearing comfy jeans and a hooded sweatshirt with writing on it... I don't know what that writing says. What matters isn't the writing, it's the comfort.

I put on my sunglasses, placed my headphones into my ears, turned on the music as loud as I could and closed my eyes as the doctor placed a mask over my nose and pumped laughing gas into it.

To keep panic from setting in. To stop my fidgeting. To prevent me from making his job more difficult than it has to be.

I am not an easy dental patient.

As I lay there listening to the jagged tone of Tom Waits voice I floated in and out of awareness. I raised my hand to ask the doctor to back off on the laughing gas. I wanted to be calm, at ease... but I still wanted my wits about me. I wanted to be able to think if for some reason thinking might become necessary.

And I did think, the thoughts came in waves crashing over the haze and as each individual idea came to me I pulled it aside and considered it. Many times in the swirling mist of thoughts I said to myself, I should write about that...

Now if only I had written those things down....

sweet dreams are made of these...

2008-08-25T00:00:00.000-07:00

I don't have it in me today to talk about things I want to talk about.

The things I should be talking about, thinking about.

I put K to bed 3 hours ago and still she's wakeful.

Crying and wakeful...

Refusing to sleep.

and there is not a thing I can do.

strange love episode: shizzow!

2008-08-24T11:50:00.000-07:00

Friday night's episode of Strange Love Live saw a first for our little studio... 3 guests all squeezed onto the Strange Love couch to talk about a brand new social web service. Listen in as we talk to Mark, Sam & Dawn from Shizzow.

As always you can listen to the show here, download it or subscribe so that you can always be the first to know when we've released a new episode...

***

Join us Friday August 29th at 10pm for another live episode of Strange Love. This time we'll be talking to the gregarious Scott Kveton, "Husband, father, geek, pizza maker & bacon lover".

fridays...

2008-08-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

Join us for Strange Love Live tonight at 10pm with special guests Dawn Foster and Sam Keen of Shizzow! We'll be broadcasting live at 10pm.

it's raining on prom night...

2008-08-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

My secret is out, missburrows let it slip that I, CamiKaos, never went to Prom.

Nope. Not my own, not a boyfriend's.

No prom for me.

Once as a freshman I went to a winter formal with a gaggle of friends and a cutie with a mohawk...

Not the same as prom. At all. Plus at that point I hadn't developed into the person I know and love. I didn't yet have my own sense of style.

By the time I would have gone to prom I had developed a certain style... let's just call it "I'm too cool for you" chic. Sadly it involved me not attending a prom, taking senior portraits or going to graduation.

I have a second chance to experience prom as I would have liked it though. People often say youth is wasted on the young... they may be right which is why on Saturday August 30th I'll be attending my Anti-Prom with several hottie friends

Oh.fricking.yeah. babies.

I've been waiting to tell you because I wanted to be able to announce my attendance, shill for the good causes (the Anti-Prom is a fundraiser for the Luke Dorf Healing Community and for Liberty Hall) and show you my Anti-Prom dress...

That's my dress modeled by the lovely DrNormal...

If you want to see it on me you'll have to go to the Anti-Prom!

colors...

2008-08-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

I've found myself under an unusual amount of stress lately. This that and the other thing all pile on top of me and suddenly my chest starts to feel a little tighter. My mind starts to reel as I over think things. My patience wains and my temper starts to flare.

It's not one big thing, but a thousand tiny things.

I stop and try to breath. To remind myself that this is life and each day comes with a new set of problems and perks. Sometimes a simple reminder isn't enough though. A deep breath doesn't do the trick so I have to take matters into my own hands. Literally.

I sit at the table with markers, pencils or crayons. I open a coloring book, pull out a page and then I color. 1 page, 2, 3, 4. I keep coloring until my pulse slows, my breathing is normal and my patience is restored.

It's a good thing my daughter knows how to share.

****

If you're in SE Portland this afternoon (8/20/08), head over to the Moreland Farmers Market to see The Doc Normal John Borroz Trio with special guest Rob Shoemaker (of the Norman Sylvester band) on bass. They'll be playing from 3:30 - 5:30 pm.

The Market is located at SE Bybee/14th with free parking across the street at SE 14th/Glenwood.

inspire me...

2008-08-19T00:00:00.000-07:00

An hour ago I lay here in this very same spot with my hands resting upon this very same laptop.

Waiting. Thinking. Wondering.

It was my writing time and I was about to dive into some great adventure, spin a fantastic yarn. Tell a tale that only I can tell...

and then

Dr. Normal came into the room and smiled at me. And he lay down on the foot of the bed, I could feel the mattress compress beneath him and he began to speak. To ask. To share.

Not the news of his day (which is like every other day he spends at work).

He was sharing something else entirely. A new idea. A new ambition.

A new project.

I lay still and listened for 45 minutes with my hands upon these keys. Listening. Hearing. Thinking.

What he said to me set my mind afire. Vivid imagery heavy with verse trailed in and out and still my fingers did not move. He talked, I listened and began to dream. Not too much. Not so that my eyes grew far off and my mind was distracted, just enough so that I could revel in his words.

This man that I love, he is an inspiration to me every moment...

But I still have nothing to blog about today.

anxiety

2008-08-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

nerves.

funny things.

You never know what's going to set them off.

I realized a couple of days ago that K's school is starting in 2 1/2 weeks. That's plenty of time to do nothing and mess around, but to get all her back to school shopping done, buy school supplies, get her back on her sleeping schedule and emotionally prepare for the battle that is the first week of school?

2 1/2 weeks isn't nearly long enough.

I've gotten one of those important things done. School supplies have been acquired, even a new back pack and lunch box...

I have to tell you that when we got home from school supply shopping I audibly sighed with relief. I felt so much better that she had pencils, glue sticks, folders, scissors and all those other little bits that are so tiny but so important to everyday school life. I didn't even realize how stressed out I was until I felt that little bit of release.

Next up? Back to school clothes and shoes... I wonder if missburrows knows I'm forcing her to engage in back to school clothes shopping twice in the next 2 weeks... Probably best just to spring it on her while we're already shopping?

Now, getting her back on her bedtime schedule? That's the biggest joke ever. I started getting her back on her bedtime schedule 2 weeks ago and I'm lucky if she falls asleep before 10:30 and I've been getting her to bed by 8.

Last but not least getting her (and me) emotionally prepared for back to school?

Ha.

That is all.

strange love episode: babbling with bram & amber

2008-08-17T16:45:00.000-07:00

Late at night in the house of Strange Love 4 podcasters did meet to talk about podcasty things...

Many thanks to Amber Case & Bram Pitoyo of Hazelnut Tech Talk for a great show and a wonderful night!

As always you can listen to the show here, download it or subscribe so that you can always be the first to know when we've released a new episode...

***

Join us Friday August 22nd at 10pm for another live episode of Strange Love. Next time we'll be joined by Dawn Foster, she's coming by to talk about Shizzow and I hear she's bringing some friends with her!

when night...

2008-08-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

When night swoops down on this house we are not ready. It's never unexpected, nor is it unwelcome... we just aren't ready.

In my home we each have our own way of delaying night's embrace. Our own ways of saying No, I won't. No, I can't. Really, I couldn't possibly.

The method doesn't really matter though, what matters is that this is when we all do our best thinking. When the day has been long and hard and we haven't enough energy left to hold back the flood of thoughts and dreams we just wander aimlessly, be it in mind or body.

It's easiest for me. My schedule is often flexible, changing, based on the lives of those around me. For my husband who must rise early each day to make the long commute to work and my daughter who is only 6 and needs sleep to thrive and grow, these late nights seem to be a problem.

I see heavy eyes and sluggish feet each day and every night I tell them both that they need to go to bed early...

So I tuck K into her bed, read her a story and kiss her goodnight, but try as I may I can not make her go to sleep. She lingers in the waking world clinging to one last thought as long as she can. Sometimes moments longer than I'd like, sometimes hours.

When she's finally fallen asleep I tell my husband that it's time for him to go to bed, and even as I say it each night I know what his response will be. Always and again he will tell me yes, he needs rest, he will sleep soon... though without fail his tired eyes are still awake and 11, 12, sometimes 1 or even 2.

Then there's me. I would sleep so much more than I do... but I'm troubled by wakeful, thoughtful wanderings, theirs and my own. I feel the need to help, to guide, to remind... to make my family understand that sleep is a beautiful thing when night comes.

Something they shouldn't run from. Shouldn't resist. Something they should revel in and enjoy... even as I stand wide awake telling them so.

you might want to put your clothes on...

2008-08-14T00:46:00.000-07:00

The other night as I lay curled in post coital bliss Dr Normal stroked my hair and told me that I might want to put my clothes on...

Sigh.

He stood up and went to the bathroom and listening to the sound of the water running in the sink I dozed off letting the thick night air cloud my mind as I drifted off into the world of sleep. I knew I needed to pull myself out of my warm cozy nest, that I needed to roll over and throw on my t-shirt and undies.

All I could think though, is that this is the one part of my life that being a parent has not improved.

Sigh.

My name is Cami and I miss being a naked sleeper...

where the cool kids are

2008-08-13T00:00:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't call myself a cool kid...

really I wouldn't and if you'd ever seen pictures of me in my early teens you would understand why...

I seem cool from time to time now but if you understood my roots...

It's just that...

Oh to hell with it... This is what I looked like at 13

Note the deep tan on my arms that did not make it to my face. Revel in my huge glasses. Mock the hair that took an hour (or more) to curl and style... though that's my natural hair color... Check out the incredibly posed elbow on the piano. Make sure to remember that Cami does not play the piano... oh yes... I was a big ol dork!

But I've moved on... I'm past that... because Wednesday (that's today for those of you who read promptly) I'll at the very least be where the cool kids are. It's a big event day here in Portland and I'll be on top of things.

First by heading over to cube space for the Silicon Florist Lunch 2.0 and Birthday Extravaganza where Rick Turoczy is going to be hosting a ton of people for the ever popular lunch sensation. What will we do? What will we talk about? Who will be there? Who knows, but it's sure to be a lovely time.

Then after a little time to rest and regroup I'll head over to Urban Grind NE for Back Fence PDX, an amazing evening of story telling hosted by Melissa Lion & Frayn Masters (The Back Fence Babes).

Then... well then the very best thing of all... then I will head to the most exclusive party in all of Portland, a sleepover at my house. I only invited one person, the coolest guy I know. Boy I'm sure hoping Dr. Normal can make it.

Have a great Wednesday everybody, I think I will!

xoxo - CamiKaos

on the wall

2008-08-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

I lay perfectly still, exactly in the middle, unmoving. My hands and feet were tucked snugly into the blanket, my neck was safely covered by sheets.

There was absolutely no way they were going to get me, it was impossible, improbable or at the least quite unlikely.

The witch hiding under my bed, the whatever it was in my closet, the vampire that waited just outside my window, and most frightening of all the inhabitant of that poster on my wall.

She moves when the lights are out, when no one else is looking. When she thinks I can't see her she watches me.

Damn that poster of Daisy Duke on my wall.

When I was a child I was terrified of the dark. In the light of day my room was a safe place to play, to laugh, to read and sing. Once the sun went down though, it was a house of horrors. I knew something was out to get me. Even with my bedroom light on the darkness still overtook the corners of my room. I would stand in the well lit hall and leap 3 feet to the safety of my bed. With the sheets tucked in tight on both sides I would wiggle down between the covers then pull the sheets up and tuck them around my neck.

Then I'd stare at that poster until somehow I drifted off to sleep.

As long as I kept my eyes on her she wouldn't move. As long as I kept my eyes open all the things that live in the dark corners of my room, beneath my bed, in my tightly shut closet, none of those could come for me.

As long as I kept my eyes open the dark would be held at bay.

***

This post was written in response to David's question on Weekend Wandering; As a child, were you afraid of the dark?

If you'd like to answer this on your blog please link back to David's Weekend Wandering post and leave him a comment to let him know. While you're letting people know... leave me a comment to let me know as well... I'd love to see what you have to say.

these shoes were made for walking...

2008-08-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

Ordinarily I'm all about boots... really I am, in fact whenever I hear These Boots Are Made for Walking (the Nancy Sinatra version) I get a little breathy and excited. It makes me feel like a sex kitten instantly.

Now that I mention it, I'm wondering right now if my deep love of boots (I even wore boots under my wedding gown) has more to do with this song than I know. I heard the song long before I began purchasing my own footwear... I even recall singing it into my hairbrush while watching my performance in the mirror that hung behind my bedroom door when I was a kid.

Wow you guys, I've just made a huge revelation about a part of my persona... the boot wearing tough girl part of me might be thanks, in large part, to Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazlewood (who wrote the song but for obvious reasons couldn't pull it off quite the way Nancy did).

I love it! My oh my isn't blogging therapeutic!

But really I'm not talking to you about boots today, but shoes, walking shoes in particular. I mention them because it looks like I'll be in need of a good pair of walking shows in the near future so that I can comfortably complete the Kaiser Permanente 5 Miler.

A few days ago my very good friend and favorite cohort, missburrows, let me know about an event she was planning to take part in. And by let me know I mean she poked me again and again talking about it until I realized she might like some company for the event so I offered to join her. What could be more fun though than two good friends encouraging each other and getting through the 5 mile walk that happens during the Portland Marathon?

Why many friends of course! So in the grand style of missburrows and I, we're forming Team Naughty! Our plan is to surround ourselves with other fun individuals who want to complete the walk with us.

Unlike Camp Naughty, the 5 mile walk team will be coed. We've already had 3 lovely ladies and one wonderful man sign on to join us. If you'd like more information or you'd just like to track our progress head on over to the former Camp Naughty page. We're giving it a revamp for our team where we'll keep track of our planning and goings on, including the party we're planning to proceed the event!

And now back to your regularly scheduled boot loving CamiKaos...

strange love: stories & sex with melissa lion

2008-08-10T00:10:00.000-07:00

This week we're joined by blogger babe and storyteller, Melissa Lion. We were just going to have a little chat about Back Fence PDX but it turned into so much more. It's a long episode full of stories, sex, banter and much more, give a listen to all our naughty talk, then be sure to check out her blog and stop by the Back Fence PDX event this Wednesday. I'll be there somewhere...

*EXPLICIT CONTENT*

as always you can listen to the show here, download it or subscribe so that you can always be the first to know when we've released a new episode...

***

Join us Friday August 12th at 10pm for another live episode of Strange Love, this time we catch up with the fab podcasting duo Bram Pitoyo and Amber Case from Hazelnut Tech Talk.

camikaos reviews a book...

2008-08-08T00:00:00.000-07:00

This afternoon we took a trip to the grocery store and before we made it to the bakery to get bread we were confronted by a bin of books on sale. K began to sift through them almost unconsciously asking if she could have one. I looked through the bin with her and peered at a few selections. I told her that she could choose a book and we could read it together.

She pawed through them with renewed excitement and a square of yellow caught me eye... I reached in and pulled out a book she'd passed over. The cover read "Cowboy's Secret Life", written by Joan Walsh Anglund, published in 1963.

I picked it up and put it in the cart as K continued to look through the other books eventually finding one with characters she recognized telling 4 fairy tale stories. I let her get the book of her choice and kept "Cowboy's Secret Life" hidden in the cart.

Something about the cover drew me in immediately, and I know I know, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but I did... or at least I formed a first impression of it.

That impression proved to be right...

The drawings, which at first appear simple, are deeply layered walking between the reality of a little boy's life and the life he chooses in his imagination. By just going down stairs, catching a bus, heading to school and continuing through his days he reaches places that most adults have forgotten.

Along with the pictures each page contains simple text that tells the bones of a story, the bones are all that's needed though as the images fill in the rest.

As K and I sat at the dining table and I listened to her read each sentence I was overwhelmed with love for this little book. We finished the words quickly but lingered over each drawing stopping to point out little details to each other.

It has very suddenly become a favorite in our home... maybe it could be in yours too.

tears of my child...

2008-08-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

My child, my precious wonderful daughter...

She had a rough day.

She's six going on 16 and it all came out today. She doesn't want to grow up. She doesn't want to be a big girl. She doesn't want to get a job and have a baby (because child birth hurts) and most importantly she doesn't want to have to make any decisions.

She's having a very hard time being six because she is so busy looking ahead to being 16, 26, 36...

The fears are real. Her emotions are real. The stress is real.

To her.

Mommy can not explain it away. I can not tell her to buck up. I can not tell her to get over it...

All I can do is scoop her up in my arms and tell her that she has time and time and time.

Tell her that she has me.

Tell her that she doesn't have to grow up right now while I hold her in my arms and dry her tears...

And Dr. Normal?

He can give her pudding...

I think we make a pretty good team.

bring it home...

2008-08-06T00:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think that the world doesn't stop often enough to ask

What would be best for CamiKaos?

What would CamiKaos like?

or even

What would CamiKaos do?

I try not to take it personally... I know you're all busy living your own lives and thinking of what's best for yourself and others close to you... but right now, for this particular moment I want you to think of me and what I want...

Not just me though, there are other people that would benefit from what I want you to do!

What? You want to know what it is I'm asking of you? I'm asking you to vote for convenience for CamiKaos!

BlogHer currently has a poll asking where BlogHer 09 should be.

All I want is for you to go and vote for Portland, Oregon.

Pretty easy right? Pretty simple. Go vote for Portland. Make Cami happy!

What would it do for you? Tons. For instance if we have BlogHer here in Portland I can go and not have to worry about flying, getting a hotel room, deciding what to do with K and Dr. Normal. Plus I have a guest room. I could let a couple of blogger gals I know stay there...

Also, I have a back yard that holds tents. How do I know? Because I've had two very large tents in my back yard very recently. There was certainly room for a couple more. I could have a ton of ladies sleeping in my back yard and then we could all go to BlogHer together.

And how cool would it be for me to see so many of my beautiful blogger women in my very own home base. In my city. In the place that I love.

Plus, if BlogHer was in Portland then Deb on the Rocks might come to Portland, and if she visited we could have her on Strange Love again... she could come by the house and sit on my couch and sign my guest canvas... sigh... that would be dreamy and all my listeners would benefit from that!

So what do you say? Can you help a Cami out? Go and vote for BlogHer to be in Portland...

But if you're planning to vote for any other city... please forget I said anything.

camikaos makes a new header...

2008-08-05T16:45:00.000-07:00

camikaos goes to the movies...

2008-08-05T00:00:00.000-07:00

It is a rare occasion indeed when Dr. Normal and I get to go out of the house just the two of us without serious prior arrangement, but it just happened to work out that way on Sunday in the late afternoon.

We'd had a long weekend of fun and fancy, but all that fun was a lot of hard work so at the end of our weekend, knowing that Dr. Normal had one more day off to look forward to, we decided to take advantage of the fact that my mom is visiting and staying with us. We changed clothes and gears (Sunday morning saw Dr. Normal playing a gig in Sellwood Park) and headed out the door.

After a stop to talk to some neighbors, another to pick up some perfume and then a little pause as we randomly ran into some neighbors who moved away a year or so ago we headed down to the waterfront for perfect martinis and a lovely dinner.

We were having too much fun, enjoying each others company too much.

We didn't want the evening to end.

We each had our own idea of what to do with our stolen time:

Dr. Normal thought it was a perfect evening to stroll hand in hand along the water. For us to spend some quiet time talking and admiring the beautiful weather while strolling along the river that we were married on.

I thought it was a good time to watch and action flick.

I won.

When dinner was finished up we got into Dr. Normal's car and left the sanity of the city to head out to suburbia where there was an 8 pm showing of The Dark Knight that wasn't sold out. It was a big sacrifice for him to spend our precious alone time driving out to a movie theater. In the years that Dr. Normal and I have been together we have probably seen less than 10 movies in a big theater together.

He hates them, big theaters that is. We have a small locally owned one screen theater in our neighborhood that he'll go to if a good movie is playing but other than that he can't be bothered. I respect that. I appreciate. I agree. I hate those big theaters with 15 screens and huge crowds with overpriced over salted food and too loud sound systems. But...

isn't there always a but?

The Dark Knight isn't playing at our theater and we don't always have my mom around to watch K for us, to put her to bed, to allow me an evening out with my husband when I don't have to worry about our daughter.

And I really realllllly wanted to see it. REALLY REALLY REALLY.

So he gave me what I wanted. Gave up his sunset stroll on the river to take me too a movie that he wanted to see, but would have been happy to wait for it to come out on DVD.

For that, I really owe him thanks, and an apology.

We drove out to the mall, parked in the garage, walked to the theater and bought tickets. The only think that kept Dr. Normal from screaming and ripping his skin off was that we didn't have to wait in line. We shelled out $20 for our 2 tickets and I know that everyone says this all the time, but really $20 for the two of us to just get into the theater??? I can buy a movie for that... I frequently do buy a movie for that! For less than that!

But I really wanted to see the movie, REALLY REALLY wanted to see it.

We headed inside and stepped up to the snack counter where they had one thing going for them... they had cherry coke. I asked how large a large was and the counter girl showed me a soda larger than my cat. I asked how big a medium was and she showed me a soda larger than my head.

I ordered a small... it was still huge.

I got Dr. Normal a small bag of popcorn and she asked if he wanted butter on it. I could see the vein twitching in his forehead. I quickly told her no, but even as she was walking off to scoop up his fluffy popcorn goodness he was grumbling about the fact that it wasn't even actually really butter! "FALSE ADVERTISING" he loudly snarled as she was turning back toward us with his bag of popcorn. I paid her quickly and ushered him along. Thankfully our theater was the closest one so I steered him in and we found our seats...

That's when it got bad, really bad... they were showing commercials. Not just one commercial but one after another until I felt like I'd been watching ads for hours. Dr. Normal couldn't take it so he pulled out his iPhone and popped in his headset, closed his eyes and began playing Wagner as loud as he could hoping to drown out the inane advertisements that were sending him into a frenzy...

When an especially riveting piece came on he handed me one of the ear pieces so I could listen too.

There were at least 30 minutes of commercials before the disembodied movie theater voice over woman said it was time for previews, guess what? SHE LIED.

Even after she said it was time for previews there were still MORE COMMERCIALS.

(yes I know that previews are just commercials for other movies... I get that I do...)

It cost $10 per person to get into the movie and they still make us watch 30+ minutes of commercials?!! I hate commercials, that's why I have TiVo. Dr. Normal hates commercials, that's one of the reasons he doesn't watch TV.

When the previews finally started in earnest we made fun of the stupid movies coming out (except the new James Bond movie... we can't wait to see that, I hope it comes to our small local theater).

Then it was finally time or The Dark Night to start...

Dr. Normal pulled out of his justifiable but incredibly unpleasantly grumpy funk and turned off his music, we curled up and watched the movie...

When it was over (yes, that's right... I'm not telling you anything about the movie) we stayed in our seats until everyone had finished shoving and elbowing to get out the doors and then we strolled out hand in hand and headed for our car.

I'm just glad we didn't have to watch any commercials after the movie or Dr. Normal might have imploded before we made it home.

a study in vanity...

2008-08-04T00:21:00.000-07:00

since it's been a very long weekend

and since I very recently got a new computer and have just recently gotten time to play with it

and since my hairdresser does a great job shaping my eyebrows

and since there has been a real shortage of CamiKaos self love around these parts lately

and since I'm tired

I present to you a study of my eyes and the surrounding area brought to you by the Photo Booth on my lovely new Mac Book:

(okay really it's just that this was the only way I could think of to talk about my new laptop and my eyebrows in one post... see. I can combine any two topics... I really can)

let there be toonlets...

2008-08-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

there was this girl...

2008-07-31T00:00:00.001-07:00

And the first time I met her I really didn't care for her.

At all.

And she? She didn't like me so much either.

It was okay that way... right? I mean when two people meet and they really don't like each other...

at all...

the sensible thing for those two people to do is to steer clear of each other right?

You'd think so, except that this girl lived across the street from a coffee shop I was working at...

and hanging out at...

but for the purposes of this story I was working there.

She would wake up in the morning and stumble across the street tired and bleary eyed...

or wake up in the afternoon and stumble across the street tired and bleary eyed...

and she'd want her coffee, and I would give it to her.

Maybe that's how I grew on her, I can't be sure. Neither can I be sure how she grew on me, but let me tell you something, we're looking at 10 years later and I count her among my closest friends.

I love you Shannon.

Happy Fucking Birthday.... your card is late.

the dentist got me high...

2008-07-30T00:00:00.000-07:00

Tuesday morning I had to go to the dentist...

First thing...

10 AM.

That may not be first thing for you but it was first thing for me. All I had time to do was shower, dress, feed K and then eat a skimpy breakfast myself before hurrying down the road to my dentist's office.

It used to be that even the thought of going to the dentist would cause me so much stress that I shut down completely and ceased to deal with reality. I'm being completely honest when I say I don't really like people touching me.

My husband and daughter are alone in their ability to have physical contact with me without it causing discomfort. Then my mom and dad. Then a few close friends.

There are some days that I'm feeling warm and will see a friend and I will hug them.

There are some days that when people touch me it's totally just so I won't hurt their feelings.

Some people know this and respect my space. I appreciate those people.

I particularly dislike having anyone (except Dr. Normal and K) touch my face... as you can imagine that makes going to the dentist a pretty unpleasant experience for me.

Especially since I've never been able to find a dentist I feel comfortable with.

Until now.

When I lost a filling not to long ago (the same day my computer DIED) I had to call the dentist to fix it. So I did. I called a dentist less than a mile from my house with an amazing reputation for kindness and great skill.

Plus my mother-in-law was the office manager there for a decade or more...

He was nice. He scolded me just a little for not taking very good care of myself and then moved on to create a dental plan that we could follow to get some work that needs to be done and some work that I want done.

Tuesday morning was the first appointment in this long line of dental appointments, and while I went into it with a certain amount of dread... I wasn't panicking. I wasn't freaking out.

I was okay with having this new Dentist work on my teeth.

And I was right. He was calm. He was patient. He was careful. He was skilled.

And unlike any dentist I have ever been to, he likes to use laughing gas on his patients...

Dude.

Um...

My dentist totally got me high.

from the desk of CamiKaos...

2008-07-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

I'm having trouble writing the past month or so and I've thought of plenty of reasons why, but most of them are bull. Most of them have no meaning. No reality.

They are excuses.

Except one.

One is a real honest to goodness reason. One is the truth. One speaks volumes about who I am... what I'm like...

My laptop is broken.

Now don't get me wrong, it's not that I have some unexplained emotional connection or love hate relationship with my cursed laptop (this is the 2nd time I've had to send it to the manufacturer). It's just that without the laptop...

My laptop...

I can not write the way I am accustomed to. Sure I'm sitting here with keys in front of me typing away, but I'm sitting at the desk in the loft.

I don't write here. I don't live here.

Normally I curl up in my big soft bed nestled into pillows with my laptop atop my lap.

There I can write. There I can think. There I can dream with my eyes and heart wide open...

Where do you write?

strange love: talking with turoczy

2008-07-27T21:14:00.000-07:00

If you follow the Portland Tech scene at all then this episode needs no introduction... This week we talked with the ever charming Rick Turoczy. Check out the tech episode and then our after hours show where we not only talk to Rick, but also discuss the many uses of my Vidoop hard hat and chat with our fab studio audience.

Enjoy!

Strange Love Tech

Strange Love Afterhours

as always you can listen to the show here, download them or subscribe so that you can always be the first to know when we've put out a new episode...

***

Join us Friday the 1st at 10 PM for another live episode of Strange Love, this time I chat with my cousin Mie as we catch up and fill out postcards to friends around the world.

time is folding

2008-07-25T00:00:00.000-07:00

A pocket of time seems to be collapsing in on me. Summer is eating my schedule for breakfast and leaving no leftovers.

Do you ever feel like there are only 12 hours in any given day?

I do.

(that is so my way of saying I have no time for a real post today... I am tiling my floor, getting ready for a visit from several family members, preparing for a party and looking forward to cre8camp and then a BBQ on Saturday... Timelord help me)

***
Tonight on Strange Love Live we'll be joined by Rick Turoczy who, in addition to his many great accomplishments in the tech realm, also has really fantastic hair. Will I ask him about his hair? Probably not, but you never can be sure unless you listen...

We'll be streaming live tonight at 10pm, join us won't you?

post it....

2008-07-24T00:00:00.000-07:00

In the grand tradition of my family I am offering up drunken post cards to the masses.

What? Drunken Postcards? Surely not!

No really, post cards are to be had, and since my cousin is the one responsible for them getting mailed they're certain to get out in a timely manner.

The situation is this, my cousin Mie is coming for a visit in a little over a week. While here she'll be a guest on Strange Love, attend a Tiki Party and be audience to a performance by the lovely and talented Doc Normal & John Borroz Trio.

How can we not do something special to commemorate these events?

Do you want a drunken post card from Mie and I? Leave me a comment to let me know, and if I don't have your address from prior merriment email it to me to make sure the post card arrives safe and sound.

All addresses must be received by Wednesday July 30, 2008.

Oh.. and WOOO HOOO!

only once

2008-07-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

It hangs in the back of a seldom used closet, zipped up tight in a garment bag.

The most expensive piece of clothing I've ever owned, it was $395 on sale, the most expensive piece of clothing I've ever owned and I haven't worn it in almost 7 years.

I remember when I saw it though, it was exactly what I wanted but not at all what I expected to want... with its smooth cream bodice and its beautiful full skirt. When I put it on I knew it was the one for me.

My wedding gown was beautiful, but it was only for a day. My marriage will last a lifetime.

image by Stephen Jones Photography

***
This post was written in response to David's question on Weekend Wandering; Do you have an item of clothing that you haven't worn for more than a year?

at the carwash...

2008-07-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

or... the weekend that Cami flaked a lot...

Thursday night I started to feel kind of bad. Not down in the dumps bad (that was still to come) but coughing achy bad. Fearing the worst I looked at my schedule for the next day. It was Friday which is easily my busiest day of the week regularly with so much to do before the weekend plus recording an episode of Strange Love. This Friday was extra crazed though. In addition to my late night recording schedule and my many things "to do" I was also supposed to get up early to go watch dreamtattoo as she recorded a tv spot and then in the afternoon K had a friend coming over for a play date.

Something had to give... sadly it was the tv show. I called Missburrows (who had kindly volunteered to pick me up and take me to the studio) and I flaked. I was sad about it but I knew I had made the right choice at once because I began to breath a little easier. I finished the few things I needed to do, drank some soothing tea and then curled up in a little ball to go to sleep.

I was hoping the little bit of extra sleep I got would help to get me through.

I was right, Friday turned out to be a crazy day. Crazy and fun, and a great send off into what promised to be a very fun weekend! I talked way too much, ate much too much sushi and stayed up a whole lot longer than I should have, but it was all in good fun.

Enter Saturday. Let's just say that promises are easily broken... especially vague promises made by fun Friday. By the time Saturday was over I was exhausted, disappointed, stressed and freaked out.

Topping the list of things that freaked me out was that I had forgotten to refill my blood pressure medication. This ordinarily wouldn't have been a big deal except that my forgetting to refill it coincided with it expiring so when I called it in Saturday morning (after taking my last pill) I was nicely reminded by the pharmacies computerized phones system (I like to call it Billy) that I had no refills remaining and they would contact my doctor for permission to refill it.

Fuck.

It happens every year so I don't know why I was so stunned, but stunned I was.

I pushed the button to speak to the pharmacist (since I had just taken my last pill and I knew my doctor wouldn't respond to them on the weekend). As soon as a real live person answered they hung up on me.

I almost cried. It was my own fault that I hadn't refilled it...

Did I mention the really serious case of PMS I was nursing?

So I took a deep breath, called back and explained the situation and was quickly put at ease. For certain types of medication they're allowed to dispense an emergency supply (three days). I'm guessing since my blood pressure meds don't do anything FUN they fell into that category.

I sighed in relief and went about the rest of my day where little things continued to go wrong. I made a point of taking K out for gelato in the afternoon and taking some quiet time for myself... but more was to go wrong.

A leak.

Not a leak that was going to cause us to wear hip waders in the basement but a leak that wasn't going to allow us to use the bathtub in our one working bathroom... and I still had a floor to install in the other bathroom so showering in there? Kind of out of the question.

I once again picked up the phone to flake on our very good friends. This time I had the pleasure of flaking on their answering machine... guilt ensued. We were supposed to head to the Jazz Festival at Cathedral Park late Sunday morning. Some time in the sun with good friends and good music was just what I needed to end the weekend but the weekend wasn't working out as planned.

A time later the lovely and patient Martin (Mr. Burrows for those of you NOT in the know) called me back and offered us whatever we needed, even a place to stay. Mr. Kaos briefly considered accepting that offer, quitting his day job and moving into their guest room... In the end we decided just to buck up and get our work done.

We ate leftovers for dinner and turned to bed uncommonly early and then slept and slept and slept. K got nearly 12 hours of sleep and Dr. Normal and I got a little more than 10. We woke refreshed and ready to start our day...

I wasn't looking forward to a thing.

Suddenly I was burdened by the fact that we couldn't even get started on our remodeling and plumbing work until we went to pick up my emergency supply of medication, filled our water bottles, gone grocery shopping and filled the car with diesel.

There was much dread, until...

Until Dr. Normal said we needed to go to the car wash.

The car wash!

THE CAR WASH!!!

There's something about the car wash that seems to make everything a little better, any day a little brighter.

Suddenly I found myself in the car inside a wonderful world of scrubbers and bubbles watching my daughter smile and then recoil in shock just as I did as a kid in the car wash... just as I still do. Suddenly I was excited. Grateful that I was able to get blood pressure meds to tide me through, relieved that the pharmacy was right next to where we fill our water bottles, excited at the thought that the grocery store we were stopping at might have the Bubble Gum ice cream I had been longing for and overjoyed at our stop at New Seasons for loose leaf teas and a quick healthy lunch...

It's amazing what one car wash will do.

naughty is nice... bring on the campers

2008-07-21T00:02:00.000-07:00

Where last we left you, the time was almost at hand for the arrival of campers, or so we thought...

In fact aside from our early arriving Giddy only one camper made it on time: Bad Mom. Really, how bad of a mom could someone that punctual be?

After that the other campers slowly made there way to camp... by the time 7:35 rolled around we had been joined by Joleine, MediaChick and Verso as well. We forgave them their lateness because of penis covered cupcakes, pound cake and a new iPhone, respectively.

We quickly sat down to dine on a delicious meal of pizza and salad provided by our friends at treasurelicious and began the consumption of cocktails. It was all smooth sailing as the campers talked, laughed and filled out mandatory paperwork... but sooner than we expected it was time to head down to the basement studio, the home of Strange Love.

I'd tell you what happened next, but it would be a lot easier if you just listened to the recording so I didn't have to type out a transcript...

Got all that? Didn't you love the part where I tried to count the number of sexual partners I've had in the last 10 years... yeah, that part was funny... but not as funny as debating which place that a certain camper had sex was MORE public... Or the thing about Freud and the clitoris...

I can see by your reaction that you may have missed a thing or two... go ahead listen again...

The podcast lasted quite some time so I'm pretty sure that Dr. Normal was happy when we marched our rather excitable naughty campers back out to the campgrounds for more booze and another round of naughty questions so they could earn some smores...

It wasn't long though before the campers began to tire. They'd all had long days and the adrenaline wasn't going as far to counteract the booze as one might hope so one by one they turned in until only Missburrows, Verso and I remained awake...

Slowly between conversations Verso drifted off and then it was just Missburrows and I. We both lay there beside one another on her air mattress silently for a while and then she whispered:

"Cami, are you asleep"

"No" I said "Are you?"

"I have to pee" she replied...

But I knew what she was really thinking... we'd done one hell of a job.

I think we'll do it again.

strange love tech with verso: mac vs pc

2008-07-20T22:35:00.000-07:00

Can a Mac and a PC live together in harmony? Let's find out as we chat with the geek girl of my heart, Verso:

as always you can listen to the show here, download it or subscribe so that you can always be the first to know when we've put out a new episode...

***

Join us Friday 25th at 10 PM for another live and lovely episode of Strange Love with the ever vigilant narrator of the Portland tech scene, Rick Turoczy.

toonlet fridays with special guest...

2008-07-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

***
Tonight on Strange Love Live we'll be joined by one of the geekiest and coolest girls I know: Verso. See what kind of trouble we can get into chatting about iPhones, Wii, Doctor Who and so much more, then marvel at her mad knowledge when I pick her brain about Macs.

It's a show you won't want to miss, we'll be streaming live tonight at 10pm, join us won't you?

naughty is nice... the day begins

2008-07-17T00:00:00.000-07:00

Last Friday I got up early in the morning, stretched, yawned and wandered into the kitchen to make breakfast for my daughter and to help usher my husband out the door well aware that 12 hours later I would be hosting 5 blogger ladies in my home with my great friend and partner in crime Missburrows.

She and her husband Martin arrived at my house an hour after I woke while I was still trying to chase down Dr. Normal and get him ready for work. In fact as Martin and Missburrows stood on our doorstep Dr. Normal was running around the house in a t-shirt and bikini cut undies. I asked them to wait just a moment til I could chase him into the bathroom for his shower but it was no good, he came to the door to say good morning. I let them in, he ran off to get ready for work and I bustled around the house trying to be a wife, mother, manager and camp naughty counselor all at once.

By the time 9:45 rolled around I had sent Dr. Normal off to his day job, wolfed down some breakfast, gotten my daughter dresses and sent her across the street for a play date at our friend and neighbors house and then hurried into the car with Martin and Missburrows. We were 15 minutes late to make our way to the airport to pick up the first camper to arrive: Giddy.

We arrived just in the nick of time, Martin pulled up to the curb and Missburrows and I hurried away from the car. I broke into a run because I didn't want to be late, but I soon realized that she had no intention of sprinting, and since she was carrying the "Welcome Campers" sign I had so carefully made I waited for my friend and then decided it would be okay if we just walked quickly.

We made it to the place on the other side of security where friends and loved ones were waiting for whoever it was they were waiting for. Quickly we unfurled the sign and I reached into my purse looking for my phone to see if there was a text from Giddy. She had landed! She was here in Portland! I shifted weight from one foot to another excitedly and looked out over the sea of people streaming from the terminal area. Was she here? Was I missing her somehow? Sure it had been 15 years since I last saw her but still, I knew what she looked like.

Passersby were staring out our sign, some curious, amused, disgusted. I didn't care about that... WHERE WAS GIDDY?

After a few more minutes of waiting I called her cell phone only to learn that she'd stopped to use the bathroom...

Oh well... I guess even naughty girls have to pee.

It was all warm welcomes and howdy do's then off to Burgerville for takeout and back to my place to put everyone to work to start the camp set up in earnest...

Around 6 PM Dr. Normal came home and the first of the official camp naughty events began, the Strange Love Podcast with international campers Holly & Jo...

To be continued

body heat

2008-07-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

I sit in the office loft of our house typing on our big reliable laptop. The one we affectionately call the "Tank". I know it must be warm in here because the air conditioning is running still at almost 10 pm. It was hot all day. So hot that K didn't want to play outside anymore.

She wanted to escape into the air conditioned coolness and draw picture after picture in the dark house while we waited for Dr. Normal to get home with Chinese take out.

We had Chinese take out because it was also too hot to cook.

I know all this, but I still sit upstairs in jeans and a sweater my body supported by the chair I sit in and the desk I lean on. I'm not cold, even without the sweater when I had on a tank top I wasn't cold... but I want to be warm.

I want to be submerged in warm bubbling water or to pull on leather gloves and a welcoming wool coat. I want to curl up under layers of blankets and feel the cool sheets warm to my skin.

The weather may have it's way with me during the day, but every night it's the same.

Once the sun goes down I long for the comfort of my big bed, my soft blankets and the warmth of my husband's skin.

the man in the park

2008-07-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

Dr. Normal isn't much of a people person. It isn't that he can't get along with people... it's more that often it isn't worth the time expended to get along with people. He's a busy guy and between his adoring family, his music, strange love and his day job he often doesn't have time for himself let alone meeting new people, so imagine my surprise when he learned that a twitter pal of ours was in town and he invited him to join us at a concert and picnic in Sellwood Riverfront park.

Are you imagining it? My surprise that is...

We were already planning to attend with some other friends of ours, and I had already met Gary at a Portland tech event and liked him instantly, but I am not Dr. Normal... which is to say that even though I don't LOVE meeting people I also don't shy away from it the way a vampire would hide from the noonday sun. None the less I hadn't imagined it. Dr. Normal had actually asked some one to join us solely so that he could meet him... what kind of parallel universe had I landed in?

I went about my business preparing for our picnic, doing the shopping, making the sandwiches, helping K prepare fruit salad and looking forward to a pleasant evening under the big blue sky, near the river I love so dearly.

We walked the mile to the park and settled in a big open area that was filled with families playing tag, soccer, frisbee and racing each other to and fro while we filled our plates with carefully prepared dishes from our own kitchen and that of our dear friends' and we ate and laughed until Dr. Normal got the most enormous mosquito bite I had ever seen and then moments later Lia chimed in that she thought she saw Gary off in the distance.

Dr. Normal cursed.... we took pictures of his bug bite (right on the edge of his hairline at the top of his forehead) so he could see it. He was frustrated by it and trying to cover it with his hair when I walked off to wave Gary and his 2 kids over to our blankets. I thought he was just being funny. I thought maybe he was being a bit odd and vain... I didn't realize yet that he was meeting his man crush!

The rest of our evening was spent nibbling on fruit salad and watching as K played with our new friend's daughter and listening in abject horror as Dr. Normal talked at Gary until we were all afraid his ears would bleed... He was so intent upon meeting and talking to him that I'm not sure he took a single breath.

But boy was it nice to see Dr. Normal smile...

I've been bedded

2008-07-14T00:00:00.000-07:00

For the first time in what feels like years I am home, relaxing and in my bed before midnight. My cat is curled up on my lap as I type this and I could not be more content. I had a full weekend between hosting Camp Naughty, seeing a great friend for the first time in 15 years, cleaning up the aftermath of camp and going to Booty Call to see and hear Melissa Lion give a sexy oration.

I am glad to be home.

I am thrilled to have my feet up.

I am overjoyed at the feeling of laying in my bed.

I am warmed by the certain knowledge that I will soon watch an episode of Doctor Who.

But more than anything I am overwhelmed with joy because I will not be waking up to the unnatural, cruel and anything but lovely sound of the alarm clock...

Oh yes lovelies... this girl is sleeping in, wrapped in smooth cool sheets and cradled by a new summer comforter...

oh yeah.

camp lazy or the naughty strange love episode...

2008-07-12T18:00:00.000-07:00

I was hoping to write a recap of Camp Naughty today, but as it's now 6 in the evening and I'm no more awake than I was this morning, I don't see it happening. I'd hate to deny those of you who didn't tune in a chance to listen to the Strange Love Episode that Camp Naughty produced so until I can get you a real honest to goodness post please enjoy this episode of Strange Love co-hosted by Missburrows with special guests.: MediaChick, Verso, Joleine, BadMom, Giddy.

And here's a bonus interview with our 2 international campers (who joined us briefly via skype before Camp Naughty was in full swing). Thanks Holly & Jo...

As always you can listen to the show here, download it or subscribe so that you can always be the first to know when we've put out a new episode...

toonlet fridays...

2008-07-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

***

What happens when you fence 7 naughty blogger gals in, give them a couple of tents, some sleeping bags and a few microphones? Find out on the special Camp Naughty episode of Strange Love. We'll be broadcasting live starting at 8:30 pm this Friday July 11 with camper interviews... Join us won't you?If you miss the live show look for a post to go up here or subscribe to Strange Love on itunes...

recycling isn't always a good thing...

2008-07-10T00:00:00.000-07:00

I had a great need for a white shirt or two and time really mattered.

Since I don't drive and hopping the bus downtown would not have worked into my schedule I was left with waiting for Mr. Kaos to take me shopping one evening... let's just say that wouldn't be on his list of things to look forward to.

But it occurred to me last night just before I drifted off to sleep that there is a women's clothing consignment shop a few blocks from my house. I've often noticed cute things in their window but for one reason or another I've never bothered to stop by...

Until today that is.

After picking K up from her music camp she and I took a stroll down to The Silver Lining to take a peek around. I figured it couldn't hurt. Worst thing to come of it would be that K and I had a lovely little walk in the summer sun, found nothing and strolled back home. Best case would be that I was able to find a white polo shirt and some khakis to wear to Camp Naughty.

The store was open and welcoming. I expected it to be darker and for the clothing to be more jammed together but it wasn't. The shop was light and airy and the clothes were in wonderful condition, wrinkle (and lint) free and displayed wonderfully. I quickly found 2 white shirts to try for camp and then as I moved along into the store found a rack of khaki pants. I picked up a pair of capri's and a pair of long pants and moved along. Excellent. Goal met...

Hoping that they'd fit I moved toward the dressing room when black and white silk caught my eye. I found a lovely dress, then another, then another and then a fantastic black skirt just past knee length. I couldn't just leave them there so I took pity on them and took them into the dressing room with me.

First I tried on the white shirts, they both worked and since they were very different and it was too hard to choose between them I took both. This camp counselor will have two shirts to choose from. I tried on the khaki pants with them (I've been assured by my husband that khaki pants are a must have for camp and since I never went to camp as a kid I was forced to believe him). The capri's didn't sit right so I decided against them, the long pants on the other hand did some lovely things for my ass so I decided that I would be wearing them to camp. Next it was the dresses...

Let's just say I didn't buy any of them and move on shall we?

But the skirt? Oh the skirt... don't be surprised if every time you see me this summer you see me in that skirt. It was made FOR ME. It is wonderful and perfect and I love it. That skirt and I? We will be very happy together.

I was feeling good. K (who had been with me the entire time singing about a flower she found on the way to the store) had been patient but it was clearly time to get her back to the house so she could move on to more summery activities. I returned the clothing that didn't work to the shop keeper and then handed her the items that I did want to buy. I was almost out of there. I was spending just over $50 on 2 shirts a skirt and a pair of pants, all lovely, all high quality, all great brands. They all fit great. I was wincing a little of course because I wasn't planning on shopping for clothes at all but still, I was confident in my purchases... that's when it happened.

"You saw the room of shoes in the back right?"

I stared blankly at her. Had I heard her right? There was a room in back full of shoes? Surely such a heavenly place couldn't exist... I smiled, shook my head and indicated that I'd be right back. It was indeed a room of shoes. A small room of them, but a room none the less. I looked for the shelf that said 6 1/2 and then for the shelf that said 7.

Phew.

I breathed a sigh of relief after trying on a few lovely pairs that would be a great addition to the floor of my closet. I stepped away from the shoes knowing there was nothing there in my size that I had to have and was just turning to go when I saw it...

I checked the price tag, I winced, I set it down.

I looked at the purse I was carrying. I thought of the purses I have at home. I thought about the big red leather purse I didn't buy last week because it was too expensive.

I thought about how much this purse cost when it was new.

I picked it back up and opened it. I looked inside. I examined every inch of the $25 dollar beauty while telling K to stop trying on the strappy high heels that are so irresistible to children.

"Let's go" I said to K, purse resting comfortably, naturally, perfectly in my hand. I set it on the counter and had a moment of doubt and then pushed it towards the shop keeper. "No shoes I needed, but I love this purse" She smiled and told me that people bring in the absolute best shoes and purses...

I was content knowing that I was shopping with a social and environmental conscience today by buying 2nd hand, buying locally and walking to the store. I was taking recycling a step further than just adding my recyclable items to the bin.

I paid and walked out smiling with my purchases and then admitted to myself the real reason I had to think twice before buying the purse...

Mr. Kaos... let's just say he's not as big a fan of purses as I am.

At all.

Still, I'm hoping the fact that he won't have to spend his evening driving me around to look for shirts will help to soften the blow just a little.

heels

2008-07-09T00:09:00.000-07:00

One of my clearest memories of childhood is sitting on the floor of my mom's closet and staring at her shoes. She had high heels in so many colors and styles I would sometime spend 30 minutes trying to decide which ones I wanted to sneak into my room with. I would put them on and prance around in them trying my damnedest to break and ankle.

My favorites were a pair of brown punched leather peep toes. The heels on them seemed impossibly high, I thought they made me as tall as a teenager. I shuffled around her closet in them, down the hall, into my room, and there I would dance as best I could while keeping my feet firmly in one place.

Before long though my mom started phasing out her high heels. They were replaced by kitten heels and flats and then eventually sandals, loafers and sneakers...

In my teens I always wondered why all those wonderful shoes went the way of the dinos... last week I looked in my closet though and realized how few of my high heels I wear these days...

Let's just say my child won't have to wait til her teens to wonder why mommy isn't wearing stilettos...

what he knows...

2008-07-08T00:00:00.000-07:00

I have said before that I'm done with "memes". That I can't do them anymore. That I won't do them anymore. I put my foot down and that, was that.

But then Holly had to go an open her big ol mouth and tag me with this "UU" which in all fairness isn't a meme... and for some reason that damned woman can get me to do things that no one else can... so she said "Jump Cami" and I said "Fuck you".

Then? I asked how high.

What is it that Holly asked me to do? She wanted me to ask my husband three things that he knew about me. I thought about it... really it was more work for him not me so I asked him. He stared at me incredulously and replied with a very straight face "Nothing, nothing and um... oh... NOTHING" and then he tossed me one of his most charming smiles and practically floated out of the room sure that he had won.

I let it go for a day but then just after we finished a lovely dinner I set upon him. I produced a pen and paper from thin air (or maybe it was the kitchen) and then I said: "Alright babe, you've got to suck it up and do this... I need you to tell me three things you know about me, there's no way around it because it's for Holly."

He sighed, knowing defeat when he saw it he prepared to tell me some of the things that our years together have taught him about me, the incomparable CamiKaos... I share them with you now.

-Cami once fought off 2 polar bears in the Alaskan Tundra with her bare hands.

-If you listen carefully to a recording of The Eagles' Hotel California you can hear Cami's voice in the background. She was just a child but it's very clearly her.

- Henry Kissinger once called Cami for advice on brokering a peace deal between the Palestinians and the Israelis.

- Due to her keen interest in philanthropy both Bill Gates and Bono have asked Cami out on a date.

- Cami actually invented twitter.

Wow, Mr. Kaos may not know me as well as I thought...

it's the tooth...

2008-07-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

I have no real way of knowing when it is that you read this post because I just kind of put it up here and let you do your thing...

So I can't really say with certainty that as you read this I'm sitting in the dentists chair numbed from here to there getting drilled and filled, but it's possible that is what could be going on while you read it.

But whether it is the case or not you should know that as I write this Sunday night while watching repeats on TiVo it's all I can think about right now...

Frick.

Frick frickety froo froo.

That is to say I can't think of anything better to post tonight. Hopefully tomorrow my tooth will be all fixed up and happy and I'll be able to move onto one of the other varied senseless things I like to babble about.

strange love: outtakes mashup & tlish afterhours

2008-07-05T12:38:00.000-07:00

I promised out takes and here they are. Check out this 5 minute string of outtakes and goodness:

Was 5 minutes not enough Strange Love for you this weekend? Well then you're in luck because it just so happens that we have the after hours with Missburrows and Martin Wehner (creators of treasurelicious)... Don't be thrown by the first few moments we get down to normal business (and speaking English) soon enough. Enjoy!

as always you can listen to the show here, download them (outtakes or tlish after hours) or subscribe so that you can always be the first to know when we've put out a new episode...

***

What happens when you fence 7 naughty blogger gals in, give them a couple of tents, some sleeping bags and a few microphones? Find out on the special Camp Naughty episode of Strange Love. We'll be broadcasting live starting at 8:30 pm this Friday July 11 with camper interviews... Join us won't you?

If you miss the live show look for a post to go up here or subscribe to Strange Love on itunes...

fridays: law of numbers

2008-07-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

make your mark...

2008-07-03T00:00:00.000-07:00

I'm of the opinion that what you use as a book mark says a lot about the kind of person you are.

What does it say? I have no idea... I'm just saying it says something, not that I speak the language.

Some people use receipts, a tissue, a ribbon. Some use an actual bookmark they got for free at the library or bookstore. Some people buy bookmarks that strike their fancy, or are given bookmarks as a gift.

I don't use any of those things.

I never thought about it until last night as I smoothed my "bookmark" down on the page I would start next time and smiled at something that was written on it.

I wondered what the person who had sent it to me used to mark her place in a book. I wondered what my other friends used...

I smiled and looked at it again then closed the book.

My bookmark is a scrap of crumpled white printer paper that was once in the hands of a dear friend halfway across the world. Hurriedly in thick black ink she wrote 4 words:

To the basement!

Holls

I truly believe no one has a better book mark than I do.

***

Looking for a laugh? Go visit my friend Belle and wish her a very happy blogaversary!

panic...

2008-07-02T00:00:00.000-07:00

Monday was a day completely full.

Mr. Kaos awoke early and started his day.

A little later I woke up and started my day.

A little later than that I woke up a sleepy headed K.

We did all the ordinary Monday morning things (except that Mr. Kaos was working from home).

Once the morning routine was out of the way we started getting ready to go. Xithor and Sadimac arrived to watch K for a while in the lunchtime part of the day and Mr. Kaos and I skidded out the door and hurried down town for Lunch 2.o.

We went, we saw, we conquered. We met a few nice people, saw a few people we know, sat with some friends while eating in a vast riser like area within Wieden+Kennedy and enjoyed a couple of hours with lovely Portland tech types before heading home.

That having gone well, I was content as I sat and listened to K as she told me all about her lovely 2.5 hours with her uncle and aunt.

Then I did some things I needed to get done, did some more things that needed to get done and then threw in a load of wash just to top things off... Still working to wrap up the necessary portion of my day I sat down at my computer to check a restaurant's menu and to recheck movie times (as we were heading out with some friends to do those things in short order). Things had been running smoothly all day, so really it was not a surprise to me when my computer didn't turn on.

"Fuck" I muttered under my breath.

I gave it a few tries but it wasn't intending to turn on for me so I closed up my laptop and set it aside. I quickly logged onto Mr. Kaos' old tank of a laptop (the one I am writing on now) and checked the few things that I needed to. I choseto keep the broken computer to myself. There was nothing we could do about it at the moment and it would only make Mr. Kaos grumpy... better to let him enjoy his dinner and movie with his family and friends...

Not much time passed, but alot got done and we suddenly found ourselves at 5 o'clock with our lovely dinner dates knocking at our door. We gathered K and a small toy and stepped out the door with mister and missburrows and then all together we grabbed a quick bite to eat.

The food was good, the movie was wonderful and the company was great. Our evening's entertainment drawing to an end we all walked back to our house. On the way I informed the entire crew of the untimely passing of my laptop. I was commended on my calmness over the whole matter. I realized that I was very calm about the whole thing. Last time this happened (only a year ago) I really lost my cool. Good for me, I thought.

Once inside I had K put on her nightgown, tucked her into bed and read her a story. Moments after I kissed her goodnight she slipped off to dreamland. I headed into my bedroom after a long day and curled up in bed. Mr. Kaos had more work to do, status reports of some kind, so as he worked late into the night I lounged only a foot or so away from him to read my book. It was soothing to be so close to him even though we were both wrapped up in our own doings...

It had been a really good day and I didn't let a stupid computer dying change that.

But it was getting late, and I was getting tired.

I got up and went in the bathroom. I peed, washed my hands, brushed my teeth and was just using the mouthwash when I felt something odd in my mouth. I quickly realized a filling had come loose. I spit it out in the sink and suddenly I was burning up, my ears were ringing, breath would not come...

Fade to black.

And then Mr. Kaos was calling my name and lifting me off the pleasantly cool tile floor.

As much as I hated that flood of panic and the clouded hour of trembling that followed, I have to imagine it was worse for Mr. Kaos to hear the thud of my body crumpling to the floor, to find me unconscious, to see me curled up in a state of panic unwilling or unable to answer even the simplest of queries.

Apparently? I don't deal well with dental issues... keep your fingers crossed that I don't hurt the dentist next Monday when he goes to fix what's broken...

now they're just screwing with me...

2008-06-30T23:16:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this post from the tiny laptop of my wonderful Mr. Kaos...

Why, y0u may ask Why have I taken my man's EEE PC?

My laptop, the one I got not even a year ago to replace the piece of crap that died?

It's dead. Fucking dead.

I treated it well. I was kind to it. I kept it clean. It had its own lovely little home in my bed side table.

Luckily I also didn't trust my laptop... I backed it up regularly... so we're okay there. N0 loss of important info, but really? Now the computer world is just screwing with me. It looks like I'll be on the hunt for something new very soon, I may even have an idea what that something new will be...

strange love episode: deb on the rocks

2008-06-29T10:55:00.000-07:00

Join us with the enchanting and very naughty Deb On The Rocks. We had a great show, it was a great night and Deb was the first guest to ever make me blush with a completely innocent compliment... Deb, if you ever get your ass to Portland we'll see you on the couch!

as always you can listen to the show here, download it or subscribe so that you can always be the first to know when we've put out a new episode...

***

We here at Strange Love are nothing if not patriotic... so we'll be busy having a bit of barbecue with a few close friends watching the fireworks light up the sky next Friday... but it's not all bad for you guys. We've got a treat in store for our lovely loyal Strange Love listeners. There won't be a live show up next weekend but we'll have some never before heard outtakes & bloopers plus a few of our very favorite moments here on Strange Love.

Look for a post to go up here or subscribe to Strange Love on itunes...

Happy 4th babies...

toonlet time...

2008-06-27T00:00:00.000-07:00

heat it up...

2008-06-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

For many of you Summer is already here, but for those of us in Oregon we've been experiencing the glory of mild 70's and 80's, more like a warm spring...

It's the lovely stuff that beautiful Portland weather is made of, but we can kiss that goodbye.

At least for a few days.

Friday is supposed to mark the first in a series of days in the 90's... Days that will not find me strolling in the sun, enjoying a bike ride, eating out doors or basking in the garden as I've been doing these last weeks...

Summer is coming and it's gonna take a lot of prisoners. I'm totally going to be one, I'm not afraid to admit that I'll be hiding in my air conditioned basement playing Wii and surfing the internet...

I'll leave the sunburn and heat stroke to my vegetable garden.

the mighty cami...

2008-06-25T00:00:00.000-07:00

I was having quiet time. I was at peace. I was resting in my room while K played quietly in her room.

Anyone with kids knows how precious that time is... the brief moments where the child is actually playing nicely alone...

That's when it happened. That's when she cried out in need, in fear.

My whole body went rigid, my peaceful quiet time had been revoked. The restful rug had been pulled out from under me.

I dashed (slowly stood up and walked at a leisurely pace) into K's room to see what the trouble was. She stood still as could be covering her mouth with one hand and pointing a finger on the other at her pink toy bins... "There's something on it, a bug, a cockroach I think!!!"

OM MY GOD she's a drama queen.

"It's not a cockroach" I told her "I can't even tell if it's a bug or a piece of lint"

I grabbed a tissue and pinched the tiny little tan thing that was perched on her bin inside the kleenex between my thumb and forefinger. I quickly (not at all) rushed into the bathroom to examine it... I had smashed the tiniest moth I've ever seen...

From the other room I could hear my daughter chanting "Flush it! Flush it!"

And so I did.

And so she cheered...

I'm her hero... the mighty moth slayer.

Oh parenthood, how you warp my mind.

my ass...

2008-06-24T00:00:00.000-07:00

As far as my life in general goes, the last year or so has been good to me... But as for the size of my ass? Not so much.

Unless that is, you're Mr. Kaos.

You see in the last year I've gained 15 pounds. That doesn't make me fat, but it makes me very uncomfortable in my own skin.

I know I don't eat as well as I should.

Mr. Kaos has gained a few pounds as well, and while he isn't fat either... he also doesn't need to gain any weight, so today when he was getting ready to come home we had a chance to chat for the first time all day. I mentioned on the phone that we both needed to work on our eating habits and I wanted to sit down together and talk about menu plans and a healthier diet. His reply?

"Hey I'm not the one going to the gelato shop everyday"

Resisting the urge to hang up on him I spat into the phone "I don't want to talk to you right now" and then I hung up the phone as nicely as I could and finished cutting up apples for our daughter. I took a deep breath, calmed down, reminded myself that everyone's an asshole at sometime, even me, and my phone rang.

"I'm very sorry, that was really a stupid thing to say, I don't know why I said it"

Fine. he apologized... I got over. When he got home he apologized again. It's all okay, we're good.

Later we were sitting at the table and we started to talk about our dietary habits and the fact that I would like to loose the weight that I've gained... his response?

"You mean you expect me to give up all that booty just for your long term health goals?"

My man, gotta love him.

some things you never wanna hear...

2008-06-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

George Carlin is dead.

Through the years he was an amazing source of both thought provoking and laugh inducing distraction.

He'll live on in my heart, mind and funny bone forever...

strange love tech: podcaster

2008-06-22T22:30:00.000-07:00

Join us as Alex tells us all about Podcaster, it just so happens to be Dr. Normal's very favorite iPhone web ap.

as always you can listen to the show here, download it or subscribe so that you can always be the first to know when we've put out a new episode...

***
Next week on the show we'll return to our roots with a special guest that was an integral part of one of our very first episodes of Strange Love... Deb On The Rocks. She was the winner of the 2007 Kaos Holiday Lyric contest.

We'll be streaming live Friday night at 10pm, join us won't you?

toonlet time...

2008-06-21T00:32:00.001-07:00

lack of photographic evidence...

2008-06-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

When I started 7th grade in a new school with no one I knew I was a little intimidated. It may come as a surprise to you but as a child and young teen I was pretty shy. I was uncomfortable around everyone, I was awkward, I was nerdy and I was a bit immature.

I was also very small. When I started Jr. High school I looked more like I should have been entering the 4th or 5th grade...

It was tough for me to make my way. I was surrounded by kids that towered over me (and girls that were actually wearing bras out of necessity). Times were tough. The first several months I remember crying at home after school from the weight of it all. Anyone who says their teenage years were the best of their life? I feel a mix of awe and pity for them.

I wasn't really bullied. I wasn't really picked on. Sure the occasional odd comment was made about how small, meek, odd, nerdy or little girlish I was... but more often than not what happened was so much worse.

I was ignored.

Other than that school was pretty normal. I came and went, I did my work, I had school photos, I went to school dances and stood by myself or with an equally ignored friend. I made it through. I survived. Even with my odd overly colorful way of dressing mixing garish pinks with bright blues, or yellows and oranges, with big earrings and topping it off with the dorkiest glasses that were available at the time, I managed to survive 7th and even 8th grade.

By the time the end of my 8th grade year came I'd even managed to make a few friends through my drama and creative writing classes. I was just starting to feel like things had improved. I was thinking that next year as Freshman in a new school I could be a new me. More confident. Memorable. I was almost looking forward to coming back after summer vacation... until the school yearbooks came out.

There on Page 24 which was filled with some of the tallest bangs I've ever seen, some awkward smiles and one rock star in the making, between the popular blond girl and the cocky preppy boy where my picture should have been, there was nothing.

Not a picture.

Not a name.

Not a "student not shown".

Nothing.

***

This post was written in response to David's question on Weekend Wandering; What was your worst camera nightmare?

I realize it probably had very little to do with the camera and a lot more to do with the yearbook editing... but it all ended in a missing photo so I think it fits.

If you'd like to answer this in a post on your own blog please link back to his Weekend Wandering post and leave him a comment to let him know. While you letting people know... leave me a comment to let me know as well... I'd love to see what you have to say.

stick it... thursday morning edition

2008-06-19T00:00:00.000-07:00

Once again this isn't the piece I was hoping to post...

I was out late with the fabulous Mr. Kaos, the indescribable Mr. Burrows and the heart stopping MissBurrows... We went to Ignite Portland 3, had a blast, met some wonderful people and then had Cuban food...

Good times.

So what can I say? What can I do to make up to you my sad and horrible lack of blog for today?

The First 10 people to comment get a brand new beautiful Strange Love sticker...

(if I don't have your address you'll have to send it to me)

***Edited to Add***

First and foremost I was completely remiss in not pointing out that the Cuban place we went to was Pambiche which the lovely Martin Kelly introduced Mr. Kaos and I to. I told our dinner companions that 16 trillion times but neglected to give him his due here on the internet... and like a good friend he yelled loudly about it!

Next a big ol HELLO to all the lovelies I met last night, a big IT WAS GREAT TO SEE YOU to those of you I'd met before and a NEXT TIME, I HOPE to those of you who I missed.

And Jo Beaufoix, even though you're half a world away, you were with us last night in spirit when Craig from toonlet mentioned that you'd made a kid that looked like CamiKaos...

I had such a great time at #ip3 that I could barely contain myself. Thanks to all the great people who worked so hard to bring it to us...

And now I'm considering a nap. xoxo

early to bed...

2008-06-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

I'm working on a very long post...

But it totally isn't ready yet. It's taking a lot of thought, consideration, music, a nice glass of wine... you know... I need to seduce the post. Get it in my good graces. Get it to do all the work for me and then maybe climb into bed with me...

But the post and I? We aren't quite there yet. We're taking our time. Getting to know each other. Making sure we're a good fit, this post and I. I don't want to rush into things...

So instead of finishing that post I'm going to go to bed early and get my beauty sleep so I can be my bright and snarky self at Ignite 3. There's A lot of information I'll have to retain. A lot of people to say hello to. And then there's the fact that I'm going with MissBurrows so I'll probably have to spend most of the evening trying to get her to stop touching me...

a little love

2008-06-17T00:00:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog in November of 2006 I had one reason for its creation. I needed to write again. I needed an outlet. I had to have a place to pour out all this mental and emotional debris. Writing was my first creative love and I missed it.

The joy Mr. Kaos and K had given me over the years had numbed my need to create, to express myself through words. Eventually though any numbing agent will wear off. I found myself anxious. irritated. unfulfilled.

It was then that Mr. Kaos suggested I start a blog. That I write just a little something, that I find some way to express myself without crying, yelling or sulking.

He had no idea what path he was setting me on.

So as I said, I started this blog looking for one thing and one thing only, a place to write. I didn't anticipate all the other things that would come with it. I didn't realize at first that I would find a way to use my love of digital art to make the vainest most self loving headers possible. Or that I would find myself reaching out to other bloggers, making acquaintances, sucking my friends and family into the wonderful world of blogging, or as it turns out, making friends. Real friends. Fast friends.

People I can count on to make me laugh or cry (or send me Sci-fi merchandise that might be a little harder to pick up in my neck of the woods)...

Thank you blogging for giving me that.

strange love episode 18: john borroz

2008-06-15T20:30:00.000-07:00

When I met Dr Normal back in the year 2000 he had one CD that I listened to over and over again. It was the music of a friend of his from years past. A friend who had a ton and a half of musical talent. I loved that CD. Years later I had the good fortune to meet that artist and today we've got a little bit of him and a little bit of his music. Everybody... meet John Borroz:

as always you can listen to the show here, download it or subscribe so that you can always be the first to know when we've put out a new episode...

***
On Friday night we'll have Alex from Podcaster on the show. Join us live at 10 pm.

on father's day...

2008-06-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's day to all you dads out there... but especially these two. They're my favorite fathers in all the world and I can't imagine life without them...

(K and her dad)

(me and my dad)

...

2008-06-13T00:02:00.000-07:00

about the weather...

2008-06-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

Really Cami?

Really?

You're going to sit here and write a post about the weather?

I know, I know...

It seems ridiculous for me to sit here and talk to you about the weather, it does. I accept that. I own it. I admit it... it's just that...

Well the thing is...

The past couple of days it hasn't so much been that I didn't have anything to post about as much as it's that I've been preoccupied with a few things, among those things I've been obsessing over the fact that it's June, K is now officially on Summer Vacation and I have been wearing a coat everywhere I go... or at the very least a jacket.

Last night I took K to see a movie at 5:30 and I wore my wool coat. MY WOOL COAT. IN JUNE!!!

What is this Antarctica?

I went to the Farmers Market in the middle of the afternoon and had to wear a jacket... and long pants... and I was still cold.

I'm ready to officially declare this not-summer vacation. Anyone got some Hot Chocolate they want to share?

got nothing...

2008-06-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

I was just about to go to bed, I had tucked in the child, spent time with the husband, talked to the cats and decided that any work that needed to be done could wait until another day, because this day... this day had already been long enough.

I finished up a few things on line and was just about to shut my lap top when I realized I had no blog post waiting to post. Nothing lined up. Nothing ready to go.

Shit

I exclaimed...

I think I startled Mr. Kaos.

He looked at me in a mild state of bewilderment before deciding that it was just my normal brand of crazy and he went back to listening to some podcast on his iPhone.

I've got nothing. Today has sapped the strength out of me. It was a day full of nervous anticipation, waiting, watching, holding my breath.

And now that it's finally over? It seems that I've done nothing.

So that's what I'm leaving you with today... OK?

today...

2008-06-10T00:01:00.000-07:00

I have no witty comeback for anything you say today.

no snark.

no snarl.

Today my little one, my darling K, will graduate from Kindergarten.

I remember the day we brought her home, how she was so tiny she fit into the curve of my arm. How I lifted her effortlessly and held her to me. I remember looking at her tiny features and thinking that someday soon, she would be growing up.

That she would learn to roll over.

Sit up.

Walk on her own.

Speak for herself.

She's done all that and so much more. I don't know how we could be more proud of the beautiful person she's become at the age of 6.

but even now... she's our baby.

strange love tech: accidental open source evangelist

2008-06-08T21:02:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I'll post our much longer and very fascinating after hours show with Nate... look for it on the Strange Love site...

as always you can listen to the show here, download it or subscribe so that you can always be the first to know when we've put out a new episode...

***
Next week on the show we'll take a departure from our normal blogger guests to have a friend of Mr. Kaos' from decades past... The talented and zany guitarist and crooner, John Borroz will be in the studio with us to share some great tunes and a nice chat.

We'll be streaming live Sunday around 2:30. Join us if you aren't too busy spending time with your father...